When someone hurts you......

Over the years, I have talked with many women who have shared personal stories of betrayal and pain. Some work through them. Others don’t. The ones that don’t tend to stagnate in their growth. They use excuses (though they may not utter them) to dismiss their lack of emotion for Jesus. Their lives hinge on one (or many) events where someone, especially in the body of Christ, harmed them. Some leave the church completely or run from ministry. Others build walls around their hearts.

I’ve been there. I’ve lived that. I’ve felt the deep sting of hurt and betrayal by people who should’ve known better, and the pain runs especially deep when that person is also your friend.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the aftermath of that kind of relational pain: God often uses the very thing that harmed you to heal you. When someone hurts you, the last thing you want to do is trust another person, especially a believer, again. The initial response for most is to simply withdraw. However we have to be willing to take risks in order to continue to grow. This means letting go of past pain and embracing the present, and trusting God enough with our hearts to risk again, and yes that is scary.

The one thing we often forget during a painful experience like this is that healing is not possible without forgiveness, and many times we will have to choose to do so without receiving a heart-felt apology. Forgiveness is more about your heart, pain and growth, than the person who caused it. While it’s wrong what others have done, it’s just as wrong and unhealthy to cling to that pain, withholding forgiveness in your heart. I realize forgiveness doesn’t come easy sometimes, and Jesus knew that would also be the case, but He was very specific in how we are to deal with people who cause us pain and that is through prayer. Healing of emotional wounds is just like any other wound, they take time. If you are dealing with this right now by current or past pain, or know of someone who is, I would like to encourage you to begin praying for the person who hurt you (Luke 6:38), it can be difficult at first, especially if the wound is fresh, but praying for that person allows God to reach inside us and bring more than just healing, but peace, courage and strength. If that person is a friend, or was a friend,  pray for their healing too, because losing a friend, even at their own fault, can still be painful.

Guarantee: People will hurt you, believers and non-believers alike, and although we tend to hold believers at a higher standard the reality is that we are ALL human and we must therefore be willing to show grace and mercy to the believer and non-believer, friend and foe. This is what the love of Christ in us looks like. No one knows pain, betrayal or rejection more. His love is full of grace and mercy and our love towards others needs to be the same for His love to shine through us.