Spill Over.....

I remember when I was younger thinking I will never parent the way my parents did and I am sure some of you did as well. However there is no escaping some spill over. My dad was the disciplinary figure in my home, as a matter of fact, I recall very little that I learned from my mom. That's not to say she was not a good mom. My dad always had these quotes or analogies that I now verbalize to my own kids and I am going to share of few of those with you today.

1. Don't assume anything cause that just makes an ass of u and me. Not exactly what one would expect from a God fearing man, but effective. We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The true problem with making these assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking-we take it personally-then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, and end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to have the courage to ask questions. Once you have the answers to the questions, you won't have to assume anything at all because you will have the truth. Also, you have to find your voice and ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everyone has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.

2. It's not what you are doing but other's perception of what you are doing. I hated this one cause it seemed so unfair. That statement was usually followed by Proverbs 22:1 "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor better than silver and gold". This speech was typically in direct correlation to my dating life.  If you don't want people to think you are doing something you are not, then avoid being in situation that would make them think otherwise. Sadly we have influence over other's perception of us but we do not have control. There will be times that no matter what we say or do someone will twist it into something ugly, but one thing we can count on is that truth prevails. For Christians this is particularly difficult because we are held to a higher standard because our actions are suppose to reflect Christ, so not only do teens go through all the crazy normal teen stuff, christian teens also have to find a way to do it better and this can be tough even for us grown ups. So in any given situation I had to learn that it is wise to ask the question: How can this be negatively perceived and adjust things accordingly.

3. Your words have no substance without the actions to follow them up. Truth is kids think they know how to manipulate parents, and some parents are easily manipulated,  but in my house the words "I'm sorry" were only words unless they were followed up with actions. Believe me when I tell you a burning sensation on your behind made you put some serious thought into what you had done and how to avoid it in the future, for both the need to apologize and the consequences. Pain leaves a lasting impression and promotes action more than anything else we feel. One thing my dad use to do that I disliked most was he would call us out in front of other people and it would embarrass us so much, which had a way of keeping us on our toes.

So, as you can see, some of that spill over has become gold nuggets in my own parenting experiences. Like anything in life, good or bad, in any given situation we can choose to take what we need, what is beneficial, and let go of everything else, otherwise we take the chance of letting the ugliness of life make us ugly people in life and the last thing we want or need is to be considered ugly and especially have our children seen that way.






 There is ALWAYS a silver lining, if you are willing to look for it