Trust

You may or may not know but I struggle with trust issues. There is no one person I trust with knowing everything about me. I share a lot about myself, but there are things I have no plans of every sharing with a human being.

A few years ago Larry and I were a  part of a life group with Anthem Church and one of the things they promoted was transparency. Although I understand the purpose of this exercise I could not find a rational  reason to fully expose myself in this way. It was not that I don't want to be known, cause we all want to be known, or even that I necessarily have anything to hide, but my experience has shown me that people are naturally bias and treat you differently based on what they know about you and the more negative the information the more severe the treatment. People spill their hearts and before  you know it you have become judge and juror and have allowed the spirit of division to take up residency in your heart regarding that person. People lack the grace and mercy required to accept the good, the bad and the ugly in order to love unconditionally, therefore I believe the only safe place for transparency is between us and the Creator. Truth be known, if He didn't already know everything there is to know about me I am not certain that I would easily volunteer all that information to Him either, but I would like to think that I would eventually.

Christians expect other Christians to be able to live a perfect life, free from sin, even when they know themselves that they are not able to do so. Non-Christians also believe this to be true of Christians. Grant it, we do live by a different standard, but that standard in no way makes us any less susceptible to sin. Sin creeps into all of our lives in one way or another, rather it is gossip, pride, envy, unforgiveness, or self-righteousness. Sin is a battle that we fight daily, with the singular purpose of causing division between us and God.

No matter how valid my trust issues may be, I don't like the feeling of unworthiness, because that is how you feel when someone has abandoned,  betrayed, misunderstood or misrepresented you. The feeling of unworthiness can make you stay in a friendship or relationship long after discernment has told you to walk away. I know that I am not unworthy cause God determines my worth and can use all my issues for His glory and so because I trust in Him I continue to allow myself to trust others just not to the extent of transparency, cause I don't need to trust anyone but God that much.

Trust is a gift, so when someone gifts you with this consider it as marked 'fragile' cause there is more at stake then the loss of a their friendship.