After forty-seven, almost forty-eight years, I feel pretty confident that I know myself. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, my pretty side and my not so pretty side. I know what makes me laugh, cry, what breaks my heart and what makes me fighting mad. I have learned ways to manage my lows, fly in my highs and how to process uncomfortable feelings that come and go like waves upon the shoreline. I know myself. My biggest struggle, of late, has not been what I can and cannot do for myself, but what I fail to be able to do for those I care so deeply about, and that leaves me feeling quite helpless with a huge sense of inadequacy. I know it's not my fault, and yet I can't help but ask; "if I am powerless then why did God place me in the midst of people, who I believe, need what He is so graciously blessed me with?"The answer is simple, but hard to share, or rather hard to give, when it is not mine to give, but rather theirs to discover and embrace, as I have. They don't need me so much as they need the love, strength, grace and mercy of that which sustains me........the foundation of a relationship with our Maker. I do not recall a time in my life when the only constant was His presence in my life, even during those times when my path was not His path.
Discovering that the weight of this world is not this world, but rather the people God has laid in my path, can be a heavy and unbearable weight at times, especially during those times I try to bear it alone. It's easy, when I am feeling strongest, to try to take things on that are not mine to take on, and I suffer for it, struggling to remove the debris tumbling down on me because of my pride. Why is it when we feel strong we forget that strength is not our own?
I have come to believe that is necessary for us to be reminded, perhaps daily, that our greatest strengths are not what make us who we are but those moments in our lives that humble us enough to recognize that our greatest strength is our weakness. This is a true 'light bulb' moment for me. " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am week, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)Well, there it is, my much needed manna from heaven. How strange to come to terms with the fact that I need the lows to reach His highs. I feel as thoough there is a big grin on the face of His spirit inside me as His strength carries me and my weaknesses ever so gently on His wings of Love.
-Tammy
