All in all.....

Do you ever get irritated about what your momma didn't teach you? Well I do. Sure I tell myself that she probably did the best she could but when I am honest with myself  I realize that she was unable to parent beyond her comfort zone.

My biological mother could have played a bigger role but for whatever reason couldn't or wouldn't.

I don't hold any ill feelings, I only wish that she had been able to realize how valuable her knowledge and experience as a woman, wife and mother would have been to her daughters.

Don't be sad for me, valuable lessons were still learned, as I mentioned in yesterdays blog, children can even learn from our failures and weaknesses.  I have to believe every road I traveled led me to this place in my life. God always prepares us for the road ahead and uses whatever it takes to make us the person we need to be for our own children.

As I reflect on my life as a daughter I think about all that  my mothers could have shared with me to help better prepare me for the roles I play in my life today.  I estimate that about 25% of what I learned was from what they didn't do, 25%  from what they did do,  and the rest through trial and error. Maybe this is normal.

I don't want that for my daughter, regardless of how she chooses to use my knowledge and experience I would rather her say I tried to tell her then why didn't you tell me. Each generation builds on the foundation of the last one, I want hers to be as firm as I can possibly make it  so she doesn't have to spend a large portion of her life repairing and filling in all the weak spots.

I am thankful for the role that my mom played in my life when my biological mom walked out of it. Although she filled a gap in my life,  the scars caused by this experience did not erase my biological mom from my thoughts and certain times of the year those wounds are still felt, like mothers day

As I think about my own children I could never imagine walking away from them especially knowing their thoughts of me would continue to bring them pain long after I was gone.

My experiences have taught me that being present is pretty important so I am gonna do all that I can to make my presence in their lives count.

I started a journal of such that I will one day give to my daughter and maybe my son too. It contains stories, experiences and lessons learned, some they will have heard along the way, but we all tend to forget things as we grow older, so they will be able to simply turn a page to refresh their memories. I think its a pretty cool idea and I know I would have treasured something like this from my own mom. 

As mother's day approaches I will recall many things about my own moms, some will bring me laughter some will bring me tears, but all in all I don't think I turned out to bad and I think I am a pretty good mom with still much to learn and much to teach. 

All the Moms

A few months ago I was talking with a couple of moms and how each of our kids categorize us. Most of the kids, except my own, called me the "Fun Mom". To be honest I had mixed feelings about that but I realize that there are boundaries when it comes to someone else's children. Although I do not have any problem with intervening, when necessary, you have to be aware of what your own boundaries are as a parent to someone's kid. Let's be honest, when it comes to our kids we are extremely territorial. If my kid does something wrong, I would prefer that a parent come to me and tell me about it rather than take matters into their own hands. I get the whole "it takes a village" concept but I am the chief of my Indians, just as you are of yours, and as such feel that it is my place to correct my own child.  

There is the expectation that we are to be "all mom".  The Fun Mom, The Organized Mom, The Soccer Mom, The Disciplined Mom, The Homeschooling Mom (or the Public or Private School Mom), The Organic Mom, and The Volunteering Mom. There is also the expectation that we are to never be The Tired Mom, The Say-No Mom, The I-Don’t-Know-What-I’m-Doing Mom, The Sit-Down-On-The-Couch Mom, The No-Patience Mom, or The Needy Mom. We simply are expected to be great and glorious at all times, navigating motherhood with skill, energy, and enthusiasm, otherwise, we become the dreaded Bad Mom. Is this an expectation that others have for us or is this what we tell ourselves?

We’ve made it out to be an acrobatic exercise in self-effort, a performance to elicit evaluation, a frantic flying around hoping we’ll stick the landing, wherever that landing might be. The result is what is really going on inside our heads: an acute awareness of all our failures, a gnawing and ever-present feeling that we’re not good enough, especially when we cannot imitate what we imagine other moms to be.

What does it mean to be a good Christian mother? What if we took that question to God? What might He say? We want details, specifics, formulas, but often Scripture makes us take a step back and grasp the big picture: God’s own character and abilities.

“I AM” is what He said to Moses. Moses, who had the same volley of thoughts in his head that we do, reminding him of his not-good-enough, speech and leadership abilities in his case.

But just as God under girded Moses’ calling, He under girds our calling as mothers. I AM pushes away the not-good-enough. I AM said He would do it, and He did it uniquely through the individual, Moses. But what about the daily work of parenting? We still want the details, the specifics, the formula. Later, when God freed the Israelites and He spoke His commands to the people through Moses, He said, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house” (Deuteronomy 6:7). This is as specific as it gets.

To have more would only feed our self-effort in parenting. Which explains the lure of trying to be All the Moms. Being all the moms closes all the gaps, all the questions, all the fears. Nothing is outside of our reach, therefore everything is under our control.Trying to be all the moms makes us feel better, until it doesn’t, and then we vow to do more and try harder.

What if, instead, we put I AM as the foundation and focus of our work in parenting? What if we believed that He still is capable of bringing His will to fruition, in this case His will for our children? What if we were at peace with ourselves that we are but one mom--not all of them--and that God will use our unique abilities and strengths and even our weaknesses to teach the children He’s uniquely gifted us with?

 Is this what it means to live by faith and not by self-effort. Is this what it means to trust God? Is it possible that God was specific with the placement of his children, when choosing mothers as well as what our responsibilities are to them? There are many but I believe our greatest responsibility as parents is to teach them about their Father, to plant His seed in their lives so that He can grow them into His perfect plan for their lives.


I don't want to be "all moms" I just want to be "the mom" that makes her kids relationship with the Father more important than my role as their mother. I want them to learn to look to Him for answers because He is the only thing that has and will always be with them. I want to be the mom that finds peace in knowing that no matter how much I may mess this gig up, God is still in control. He's got me, He's got them and all is well in the world.

Complaining Spirit

I consider myself a sympathetic person, I am a good listener who cares about the pain and struggles of those around me and realize that , in many cases, most people just need to talk things through with someone to help them see past the clouds of emotions and get to the heart of the matter. Truth is I need this from time to time, I suspect we all do.  This is a normal, healthy and constructive process because it allows for us to move in to a problem solving mode allowing us to connect to someone who will not just be understanding but help us resolve the complaint in question. 

However, despite my best efforts,  I struggle when it comes to chronic complainers.  I want to be sympathetic to these individuals, but  find this particular bad habit quite irritating. I am not talking about the occasional complaint, I am talking about those who complain about any and  everything. These people also want to connect to someone who will understand and validate their complaints but they have no desire for resolution because they have been complaining for so long that they get stuck in victim mode which reeks havoc on their self-esteem and ability to see the bright side of anything. In addition to complaining they have a "woe is me" attitude and act as if no one has it worse than they do.  

I am an optimist, the glass is half full kind of gal,  and if there is a silver lining to be found you can bet I will be looking for it cause there is always a positive in the presence of a negative and vice versa.  With that being said I have to be mindful of how much exposure I have to negative people otherwise they will suck the positive energy right out of me. These people can be a real "kill joy", and joy is not something I am willing to take a chance of losing.

I have a few chronic complainers in my life and because of that I have read many articles regarding complainers;  how to deal with them, what they want or need, and even how to avoid them. To be quite honest, when my own positive energy is running low,  all I really want to do is get as far away from them as possible.

This sounds a bit harsh I know but its not like its a incurable disease but rather a mind set that becomes a nasty habit and makes them less and less desirable to be around. Chronic complainers are drawn to happy positive people because they want that for themselves but they have become so enthralled in a web of negative thoughts that they struggle to break free and then give up when it seems too hard.

Chronic complainers are not bad people, they are good people, who picked up a nasty habit. Like all nasty habits they can be broken. We are all susceptible, the more we complain the more we find we want to complain. Complaining all the time is destructive and steals your joy, limits your patience and makes it impossible to feel peace. A complaining spirit causes division,  it is self-seeking and hinders our relationship with others and with God. The bible speaks directly to complaining, saying "do not complain" (Philippians 2:14) complaining is a symptom of a deep-seeded spiritual problem - failure to trust God and failure to submit to His will.  With God it's all or nothing. Surrender is everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. God wants good things for us, and as with any Father it breaks His heart when His children choose to be miserable because of a complaining spirit. 

If you struggle with a complaining spirit (chronic complainer) and are tired of living and feeling miserable all the time I want you to know that there is hope, you are not alone and you deserve better. A complaining spirit effects Christians and non- Christians alike and I want to encourage you to break the cycle of negativity in your life, stop complaining, but instead begin to focus on all that is good in your life, make a habit of looking for things to be thankful for, find that silver lining.   God loves you and wants to heal your hurts, renew your mind, deliver you from the bondage of negative thinking and help you find joy and peace once again. You will be happier and those who love you will want to spend more time with you too. 

 I attached a link for a book "Get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore and if you are struggling with any strong holds in yours life you will find it encouraging and helpful. Get out of that Pit - Beth Moore

Three Individuals

I just spent the last 4 days with my life long friend and sister - Joanie.  I also spent those 4 days with my wonderful nephews, Mike and Derrick. As some of you know my nephews have Duchenes Muscular Dystrophy and although this disease is fatal and rendered them unable to care for themselves I have never seen them as anything more than my nephews and neither have my kids.

These three individuals have been some of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Despite their lot in life they have more joy and strength than most people I know with far less challenges.

Over the last 25 years I have watched my sister evolve into an amazing mother , wife, friend and family member. I have been inspired by her strength and courage but mostly by her joyous spirit, all of which she passed on to her boys. 

Given the hand that she had been dealt she could have easily become a bitter and angry person, especially toward God, but that has never been the case. I am sure she has had moments when she questioned why but whatever the answer was she did not falter in the call on her life to be the  mother to these beautiful people she calls sons.

I am not sure she will ever know how her life has been a constant encouragement for me or how her strength inspires ,or how her joy makes the world a brighter place. I do hope she knows and feels the love and admiration that her sons have for her and how grateful they are that God blessed them with someone like her to travel this road with them. Joanie is as much their champions as they are hers, God gave them everything they needed in each other to become the people they are today,  and for us, a living testimony of how God can take any situation and make something beautiful out of it.

I am a better person knowing these three individuals and I hope I have been as much a blessing to them as they have been to me. I am so thankful that my kids have spent their lives knowing these three amazing people.

The Cancer of Unforgiveness

I know a few people, who are near and dear to me, who are simply put "miserable". It breaks my heart when someone I love is unable to move forward in life because they won't let go of past pain. If you can tell a story about how you were wronged last month, last year, five, even 10 years ago with the same vehemence, anger and ire, then you have not let go of it! What happened has happened. What was done is done. Over, finis.

One of the most dangerous things a person can do is to hold onto resentment. Clinging to unforgiveness has far-reaching and often unexpected consequences, emotionally, mentally, spiritually AND physically.

Although bitterness takes root in the mind, it doesn't stay contained. Bitterness can spread into every aspect of a person's life and effect EVERY relationship you will ever have.

It probably does not surprise you to hear that resentment impacts the mind and spirit, but you may not have realized what a physical toll it can also take on us. An attitude of bitterness ratchets up tension and anxiety, which can affect everything from muscles to chemical balance in the brain. Over time, that kind of mayhem weakens the body and can literally make you sick. It is a metaphorical cancer.

Because unforgiveness is a violation of God's law, it also causes spiritual turmoil that hinders a believer's growth. Prayer is stifled because of harbored sin that should be confessed. And worship is dry and hypocritical because it's difficult to effectively honor the Lord while trying to justify or hide a wrong attitude. What's more, a resentful person's witness is damaged, as others are prevented from seeing God's glory shining through him.

Forgiving someone means giving up resentment and the right to get even with him or her, even though you were wronged. God insisted this was the only way to go through life. One reason He commands us to forego hostility and vengeance is that these things cause so much damage to our own lives. I have said it before but feel it needs repeating- forgiveness is something you have to be willing to give even if you are never asked or hear those words “I am sorry” or “Please forgive me”. It is an act of love, grace and mercy, one we would hope others would give to us.

No matter who you are or how much you have you will never be happy, peaceful, or content by harboring an unforgiving spirit. Holding on to resentment is like saying, “Lock the bars on my prison cell, tie my hands and feet, and harden my heart, because I don’t want to live a full life”. You will never live freely or fully so long as you refuse to deal with the roots of your bitterness.

I know I have posted about forgiveness before, but when the pain of unforgiveness hits close to home, my heart cries out breaking because I am a living testimony to the healing power of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t a request it is a requirement: Mathew 6:15 “If you do not forgive …, my Father will not forgive you …” 

Spill Over.....

I remember when I was younger thinking I will never parent the way my parents did and I am sure some of you did as well. However there is no escaping some spill over. My dad was the disciplinary figure in my home, as a matter of fact, I recall very little that I learned from my mom. That's not to say she was not a good mom. My dad always had these quotes or analogies that I now verbalize to my own kids and I am going to share of few of those with you today.

1. Don't assume anything cause that just makes an ass of u and me. Not exactly what one would expect from a God fearing man, but effective. We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The true problem with making these assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking-we take it personally-then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, and end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to have the courage to ask questions. Once you have the answers to the questions, you won't have to assume anything at all because you will have the truth. Also, you have to find your voice and ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everyone has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.

2. It's not what you are doing but other's perception of what you are doing. I hated this one cause it seemed so unfair. That statement was usually followed by Proverbs 22:1 "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor better than silver and gold". This speech was typically in direct correlation to my dating life.  If you don't want people to think you are doing something you are not, then avoid being in situation that would make them think otherwise. Sadly we have influence over other's perception of us but we do not have control. There will be times that no matter what we say or do someone will twist it into something ugly, but one thing we can count on is that truth prevails. For Christians this is particularly difficult because we are held to a higher standard because our actions are suppose to reflect Christ, so not only do teens go through all the crazy normal teen stuff, christian teens also have to find a way to do it better and this can be tough even for us grown ups. So in any given situation I had to learn that it is wise to ask the question: How can this be negatively perceived and adjust things accordingly.

3. Your words have no substance without the actions to follow them up. Truth is kids think they know how to manipulate parents, and some parents are easily manipulated,  but in my house the words "I'm sorry" were only words unless they were followed up with actions. Believe me when I tell you a burning sensation on your behind made you put some serious thought into what you had done and how to avoid it in the future, for both the need to apologize and the consequences. Pain leaves a lasting impression and promotes action more than anything else we feel. One thing my dad use to do that I disliked most was he would call us out in front of other people and it would embarrass us so much, which had a way of keeping us on our toes.

So, as you can see, some of that spill over has become gold nuggets in my own parenting experiences. Like anything in life, good or bad, in any given situation we can choose to take what we need, what is beneficial, and let go of everything else, otherwise we take the chance of letting the ugliness of life make us ugly people in life and the last thing we want or need is to be considered ugly and especially have our children seen that way.






 There is ALWAYS a silver lining, if you are willing to look for it

Laughter

We all have those days when we are just not with it. Well I am one of those people who laugh at themselves ALL THE TIME! I remember, not too long ago, I was in a hurry to get somewhere but my remote key for the van would not unlock it. I was like "Great its gonna take USAA at least an hour to get here to let me in my van!" ....... "Wait a minute , duh, use the key!".  Imagine how embarrassing that call would have been.

I have silly laughable moments like that frequently.  I might even be one of the funniest people I know, especially when no one else is around! I can be serious, but always with a dash of humor,  life is serious enough and could use something to lighten things up. LISTEN UP FOLKS two things are certain, we live and we die, all that stuff in between can either give us wrinkles or make ya laugh so hard you tinkle. In other words you can worry about it or find humor it. I say we shoot for the latter.

Laughter is a form of communication that’s universally recognized, which suggests it has deep importance. It is thought that laughter may have occurred before humans could speak as a playful way for mothers and infants to communicate, as a form of play vocalization, or to strengthen group bonds. Even today our brains are wired to prime us to smile or laugh when we hear others laughing.

Laughter is a largely involuntary response; it’s not generally something you can force yourself to do and quite obvious when it is faked, even the brain gets confused with a faked response and sends out an all bulletins alert - malfunction detected (not lie check it out). Instead, laughter is thought to be triggered by mechanisms in your brain and impacts breathing patterns, facial expressions, and even the muscles in your arms and legs. It plays a role in your health, too, and has many quirks and mysteries that make it one of the most fascinating physical reactions that a human (and certain other species) can make. 

Research has shown laughter may reduce stress hormones and boost your immune function, while also inducing optimistic feelings. Laughter has demonstrated a wealth of physiological, psychological, social, spiritual, and quality-of-life benefits, so much so that increasing numbers of health care centers are adopting laughter therapy as a form of complementary care. Opportunities that provide for group laughter, such as laughter yoga and laugh parties, are also becoming increasingly popular around the world. Sign me up!

Children laugh easily and often, but adults may forget to make room for laughter in their daily lives. Experts recommend that everyone get 15-20 minutes a day of laughter so I suggest that you pencil that in to your already busy schedules, sounds like this will likely make  the rest of it better. 

          In closing I leave for you a joke my 8 year old nephew told me             on Saturday:

          "What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?" 
          " Kids won't eat the broccoli!"

You are loved

There are those who believe love is earned through what we do. How do you feel loved? Some think if they are perfect they will be loved, others feel like the only way they will be loved is if people approve of them, or think if they are happy all the time they will be loved. These false beliefs trap us in a vicious cycle. We try harder and harder to meet the standards so that we're loved, but doing so only leads to exhaustion, which makes it more difficult to try hard, and makes us feel more unloved, and on we go. This is especially true in challenging times because we're desperately looking for a way to make things better. We think if we can fix ourselves, we can fix our lives, but troubles come to us all. 


Labels stick to our hearts covering our identities until we can't see who we are anymore sometimes. Stressed, tired, depressed, anxious, frustrated, angry or broken. We come to believe that our struggles and circumstances define us. But those are just descriptions, not determinations. Who you are doesn't change based on the kind of day, week or year you have. No matter what - You are a child of God!
Life's obstacles are temporary, who we are is eternal. Our circumstances may change, but who we truly are remains forever the same. Our identity is eternally secure in Christ.


We all know that God doesn't promise a problem-free existence, instead He offers unconditional love as a shelter for us even on the most difficult days. God reduces all of the false beliefs  to one simple truth: If you are mine, you are loved! You don't have to earn, prove, or strive for anything and no matter what comes your way, God's love for you does not change. 

As I write this I can hear a song by Housefires playing in my head : " Your a good good father, that's who you are, and I am loved by You, that's who I am". I have attached it below for you to check out. 

Be encouraged today that you are not alone and are very much loved just the way you are.


Good, Good Father

Purging.....

Well spring is here which means summer is close behind. I love the activities that can be done during the spring and summer but I am not a fan of the heat.  Personally I am a fall/winter person, I love everything about those seasons: the colors, the cooler temperatures, the holidays, sweaters, and people in general seem to be more pleasant.

Spring, however, is the season of growth and newness, full of new life and bright colors. Although we most recognize these things in nature somehow the spring affects us too! Ya got 'spring fever', 'spring break' and the powerful compulsion of 'spring cleaning'. I don't know about you, but for some reason this year I have gone into a state of purging! Sadly I am the only one in my family who is excited about this.

It's amazing how much you accumulate over the years. We have been in this house going on 14 years and there has been some 'down sizing' over the years but never like this. I think there comes a time in our lives when we crave a simplier clutter free life. That time for me is NOW!

I don't think we realize how much we have become slaves to our stuff. I am not lazy but there are somethings I just refuse to have alot of, take nic-nacs for instance, they are nice and pretty and such but they constantly have to be dusted, nobody got time for that! I believe we forget sometimes that this is our temporary home.

Recently my in-laws decided that, due to their age, it was time to downsize. It wasn't that they wanted to depart from their belongs but rather because they wanted to lessen the burden of someone else having to deal with it once they were gone. I guess that concept has stuck out for me in many ways. Why not live this way all the time? Truth is no one knows when death will claim them and for us christians when we will be called home. Think about it, when we travel from our homes for vacation and such, we only take what we need, why would we continue to live our lives as if we are here to stay?

Perhaps this 'purging' episode of mine has touched more areas of my life then just my surroundings? I don't want to be someone who feels the need to have material things that fill my world here, I want to be the visitor who has little in physical possessions and much in spiritual ones. I have always loved that verse that says "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Mathew 6:21 & Luke 12:34) Read it hundreds of times but today it speaks to me like never before. I want this to be one of times when His Word becomes life changing,  rooted in my heart and mind as a constant reminder this is NOT my home. Imagine what our lives would be like.

Well I must get back to purging there is still so much to do. Now If someone would just gift me with a big dumpster I could move on to the garage and shed! LOL

Can't get close enough

For as long as I can remember my daughter has always been very affectionate. I knew at a very young age that physical touch and quality time were her love languages. For those who are not familiar with love languages, these are how a person feels loved by others. When she was around 4 years old, she was sitting beside me on the couch watching TV, she kept scooting closer and closer, so finally I asked her "sweetie what are you doing?", I will never forget her response "mommy sometimes I just don't feel like I can get close enough". Although  my love language is not the same as hers what my daughter said did speak to my own love language, and made me feel appreciated and affirmed. I have never felt like that with too many people, but there have been times I have felt that way in my relationship with God.

I know God is always near but sometimes I  feel like I can't get close enough. I long to be able to see Him, to reach out and touch Him,  to linger embraced in His arms. God knows how much we want and need this in our lives, that is why prayer is such a vital part of our christian walk,  because, for now, this is the only way to connect with the Father.

My mom left us at a very young age and although God blessed us with another mother,  there still remained a longing to have a relationship with my birth mom and still does today. Abandonment issues? Perhaps. I believe that nothing can replace a part of our life that was meant for someone else. Just as that part can only be filled by my birth mom, I believe God created a longing in us that can only be filled by Him.

I have learned, in those moments, when I have felt that I just can't get close enough, I simply need to linger longer in my prayer time. One thing I can always count on is that He never fails to show up and so I wait on Him till He does, scooting closer and closer.

Words have POWER!

It has been over 12 years since I had a my last full blown, elephant on my chest,  I know I am gonna die, panic attack. However last night, at approximately 1 am, I was awakened with a gripping pain in my chest, shortness of breath, tingling and numbing sensations,  dizziness and my mouth going from dry mouth to filled with saliva and back again. I just didn't feel right. This went on for about 20 minutes before I finally told my husband what was going on, of course his first thoughts were "do you want me to take you to the ER?" My experience with a panic attack the first time ended up costing us over $10,000, so NO! There is nothing more frightening than a panic attack, especially if you are a woman, cause it could very well be a cardiac event! Needless to say about an hour later the attack subsided. During the attack so many thoughts rolled through my mind, but I continued with my breathing exercises and the "inside my head" conversations with both myself and my Maker.

Panic attacks are not like anxiety attacks, they come out of no where, for no apparent reason, and can last between 10 minutes up to several hours and did I mention, you just know you are knocking on heavens door while becoming more and more anxious waiting for Saint Peter to let you in? I will say that once you realize you are indeed having a panic attack there is a sweet feeling that comes over you knowing the attack WILL end. I am glad that my children were asleep during this, how scary to watch your mom lying on the floor of her bedroom, wide eyed in fear, struggling to breath, all the while making darn good and sure she is ready to meet her Maker. I would not have been able to effectively provide them comfort because it was taking all I had to provide that to myself.

If you have ever had a panic attack, its hard to talk, almost like it takes everything you got to verbalize what you are feeling,  for me, and this may sound strange, the only voice I want to hear during a panic attack is my own.  I believe one of my most endearing qualities is that I am an encourager, and who needs more courage than someone in the trenches of a full blown panic attack, who is being mentally pulled back and forth between, "life and death", because that is literally what you feel. "What if " is the song that is playing in the center of a panic attack and if you get sucked in to that,  then the attack only lasts longer, so you do not need anyone to add to it.

One thing I have learned, regarding my panic attacks, is that the person who has the most power during the attack is YOU. Although a panic attack has physical symptoms, the real attack is a mental one. Living with three individuals who struggle with anxiety I have spent a lot of time talking them down from perceived threats, but it is not my words that are effective, it is them using those words for themselves that calms the storm. Self-talk is powerful, it can make things worse or it can make things better.  Words have power, even the ones we speak to ourselves.


Today I want to encourage you to ready your minds, fill it with good food, because you may not have panic attacks but we all  deal with the battles that play out in our mind. Rather it is something someone has said or done , or our own insecurities, the words we choose to speak to ourselves will determine defeat or victory. Let's choose wisely. Philippians 4:8

Why I Blog......

Some of you have asked why I decided to start a blog and perhaps others are wondering as well, so here goes -

First of all I blog for self reflection. If you have known me for any significant amount of time you are aware of my addiction to self-improvement/help books, if not, you know now.  I am constantly in search of ways to better myself , either spiritually, emotionally, physically or relationally. I am a firm believer that there is always room for improvement, although some areas I improve on better than others.

Second, I blog for the conversations that you and I would have, over a cup of coffee, if only we could  find the time between everything else we have to juggle.  Fortunately there are a few of you that I am lucky enough to have some face time with too, those are some of my favorite times. Nothing beats doing life together in person.

Finally I blog to keep myself afloat. Like you, I struggle, so when I blog I am not just reaching out and sharing with you, I am also reaching in and sharing with myself.  I write more for me, than you. When I need encouragement, or  perspective, or to process my feelings,  and yes even when I just need to be quiet. We all do it, its called self-talk, I just do some of it 'out-loud' through my blog.

Well now that you know why,  my hope is that while I blog, to work through things in my own life, that  you will be encouraged knowing that I am crazier than you, that even the best of smiles can be faked, and that we are all a work in progress even if some  keep hitting the snooze button!

Have a nice day!

Tip of the day:

"Keep a smile on your face and eventually it will make it to the rest of your body"(quote by Tammy Sales)

Friendships

If you’re a Facebook fan, you’ve likely experienced the high of having about a hundred people flood your inbox with friend requests. It seems just about everyone wants to be your friend.  But if you’ve been a Facebook junkie for long, you’ve also probably had the unpleasant experience of logging onto your account and realizing you’ve suddenly gone AWOL on a friend’s account. For most women, this is the nature of friendship: we are friended and unfriended several times over our lifetime. Most friends come into our lives for a season, and though friendships may last for years, few last a lifetime. Friendships are influenced by a lot of factors, some of which can solidify a connection or become its undoing.

Like everything else in life, our friendships are seen through the lens of our unique perspective—our personality, preferences, and past experiences. When choosing friendships, it’s a good idea to go where we are celebrated, not tolerated. If you’ve ever invested significant time struggling to fit in with a particular circle of women, only to find out later you were a better fit with a different group, you know what I mean. Ironically, the very characteristics that drain our tank may be the same characteristics that fill someone else’s.  What I may see as a scatterbrained, someone else may see as free-spirited or I may see someone as direct, while others sees them as rude.  No matter what our perception may be, others may perceive them in a completely different way.  When we’re tempted to define someone in a negative light, it would be good to remind ourselves that our defining characteristics can be viewed as positive or negative too, depending on who is doing the evaluating. Not everyone is suitable to be your friend or you theirs.

All friendships are NOT created equal. Feeling connected is probably one of the most powerful longings, no one wants to feel alone in this world. With that being said, there are friendships that we know are not good for us but we maintain those friendships despite how much they drain us, making ourselves believe that a bad friendship is better than no friendship, or foolishly believing that just because they are not a good friend to you, you can still be one to them,  this is not healthy. Friendships are designed to add more to our lives not diminish us in any way. If you are in a friendship that leaves you feeling drained or like you are not valued you owe it to yourself to make a change. You have to be honest with yourself and ask the hard questions "is it me" or "is it them".  Sometimes we have to lose to win. We all have issues, and if you think yours are sabotaging your relationships, it may be time to work through that and pray for a friend that can help you grow in this area, not keep you there.  Rule of thumb: 'If it doesn't grow you, it needs to go".  

Friendships are important, old and new, and it doesn't matter if they are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I know it seems sad to have so many seasonal friends, but that is how life is- seasonal. What we may need during one season of our lives, we may need something or rather someone different during other seasons of our lives. Friendships may end or take on a different shape, but what we learn during that friendship can last a lifetime. 

I believe that God places people in our paths just when we need them. I also believe God places people in our paths when we don't yet realize we need them. There are no mistakes, there is always a plan; a plan to grow us, to use us to help someone else grow, to humble us, to strengthen us. Proverbs 27:17 says " As iron sharpen irons, so one person sharpens another" sounds like friendship to me!

Something to Ponder Continued: Start and Finish the same.

Happy Monday! I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend. 

On Friday I left you with something to ponder, and I have pondered it too.

Curiously I wonder why  anyone would want  to try to piece together a puzzle without having any idea of what the end result should be? Sure it makes for an interesting challenge but it also wastes a lot of time. For me having the picture gives me a goal to shoot for , it allows me to have the necessary information to put together a plan or strategy to accomplish the end result. When I sit down to do a puzzle the first thing I do is pull out all  the end  pieces of the picture. After I have the entire outside completed  I then separate the rest of the  pieces into  color groups. Finally I work my way from one corner to the next until I have connected every piece. I probably look at the picture on that box hundreds of times for guidance on how to proceed not to mention for the assurance that I am going about it the right way, and as the pieces began to fit together I know I am and will complete the task.

In life, the picture on the box is symbolic to the bible, and like the picture on the puzzle box its there for us to reference, to make sure we have  what is necessary to complete the task. Unfortunately,  many times, we choose not use it, or use it only when we have failed to come up with a solution and find that nothing else has worked. I am guilty of this. There is the thought process that says; "God gave me brains to think" or "I am more than capable of handling this one on my own".  Although this is true, it has been my experience, and I have done it both ways, that seeking God first has always been the most important step when faced with challenges. When we do this, the challenge may still be difficult, but there is  peace in the journey. Use the box.

As for completing a puzzle only to realize that there are pieces missing.... well this is life. We are not always gonna have all that we need or want and sometimes things don't always turn out like we were expecting, but there is strength in the journey. Sure you could be one of those people that opens the puzzle box and  counts all the pieces before you even begin to put it together and for a puzzle that might be fine, but in life I am not so sure. Yes it is a good idea to weigh all the options and trouble shoot any possible down sides, but only for the purpose of preparation.  In this I mean that you can't let the possible outcomes keep you from the journey cause even if you go through the effort of trying to finish something that is impossible to finish you still grow along the way. 

Ya see  the puzzle with missing pieces, that is us - you and I. We will go through our lives unable to ever complete this puzzle, that is the journey, to be always and forever searching for those pieces, because we all have our own picture in our heads of what our life would or should be. Thankfully God holds the missing pieces of our lives, because  He knows no matter how great a life we could plan for ourselves without Him we would always remain incomplete. Makes sense that the one who created us is also the only one who completes us. 

I don't know if this makes any sense, but for me its pretty clear that with either scenario, no matter what path we choose, it is always best to start and finish the same............... God wants to be involved with every aspect of our lives, great and small, and the beauty of it all is He knows exactly how it will all turn out, and with Him it always turns out better than we can ever imagine, and we turn out better too. 

Something to ponder

What is worse;

having a puzzle to put together without using the picture for reference, or 

putting a puzzle together, using the picture, only to find out at the end that you don't have all the pieces?

Something to ponder over the weekend and how we can  avoid both.

Have a wonderful weekend my friends :)

When someone hurts you......

Over the years, I have talked with many women who have shared personal stories of betrayal and pain. Some work through them. Others don’t. The ones that don’t tend to stagnate in their growth. They use excuses (though they may not utter them) to dismiss their lack of emotion for Jesus. Their lives hinge on one (or many) events where someone, especially in the body of Christ, harmed them. Some leave the church completely or run from ministry. Others build walls around their hearts.

I’ve been there. I’ve lived that. I’ve felt the deep sting of hurt and betrayal by people who should’ve known better, and the pain runs especially deep when that person is also your friend.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the aftermath of that kind of relational pain: God often uses the very thing that harmed you to heal you. When someone hurts you, the last thing you want to do is trust another person, especially a believer, again. The initial response for most is to simply withdraw. However we have to be willing to take risks in order to continue to grow. This means letting go of past pain and embracing the present, and trusting God enough with our hearts to risk again, and yes that is scary.

The one thing we often forget during a painful experience like this is that healing is not possible without forgiveness, and many times we will have to choose to do so without receiving a heart-felt apology. Forgiveness is more about your heart, pain and growth, than the person who caused it. While it’s wrong what others have done, it’s just as wrong and unhealthy to cling to that pain, withholding forgiveness in your heart. I realize forgiveness doesn’t come easy sometimes, and Jesus knew that would also be the case, but He was very specific in how we are to deal with people who cause us pain and that is through prayer. Healing of emotional wounds is just like any other wound, they take time. If you are dealing with this right now by current or past pain, or know of someone who is, I would like to encourage you to begin praying for the person who hurt you (Luke 6:38), it can be difficult at first, especially if the wound is fresh, but praying for that person allows God to reach inside us and bring more than just healing, but peace, courage and strength. If that person is a friend, or was a friend,  pray for their healing too, because losing a friend, even at their own fault, can still be painful.

Guarantee: People will hurt you, believers and non-believers alike, and although we tend to hold believers at a higher standard the reality is that we are ALL human and we must therefore be willing to show grace and mercy to the believer and non-believer, friend and foe. This is what the love of Christ in us looks like. No one knows pain, betrayal or rejection more. His love is full of grace and mercy and our love towards others needs to be the same for His love to shine through us. 

Exhausted and Refreshed

"Every day is a good day to give thanks to the Lord". This is one of my favorite praise songs by Clint Brown. This song will put a pep in your step, joy in your heart, smile on your face and the strength and courage to keep going on..

 I am strongly influenced by music, it has to be the one thing in this life I would never want to live without. 

 Music is a powerful tool that can quiet you down or pump you up, it engages us on an emotional level like nothing else does, but  none more than praise and worship songs and its not enough to just listen to it, you have to sing it too, and when you don't feel like singing that is when you really need to sing the most. There is a longing in each of us, believer and non-believer, to connect with our Heavenly Father, but sometimes in order to do that we have to disconnect from this life, and when we begin to sing His praise and worship Him, our minds turn off of us and turn on to Him. I love that feeling, that stirring up, that happens as we begin to lay everything down and just be in His presence, and the more you want to be in that moment the closer and closer you began to feel to Him, you feel both exhausted and refreshed at the same time, and there is no feeling on this earth like it. 

There are times, like yesterday, when instead of having a prayer time, worship time is what I really needed, because we can get so caught up in whats going on that our minds are racing and we can't slow it down enough to see clearly anymore, and no matter how capable we may think we are of handling the ups and downs of this life, we were not designed to walk this life alone, and we need to regularly give the Spirit of God, who lives with in each of us, some serious me time. I believe that the greatest weapon Satan uses against us is ourselves, whispering daily, "you can handle this on your own no need to bother God with that" because the last thing he wants is for us to get and stay connected to our Father, who longs to hear everything about us, who longs to be that one person we tell everything to, the first thought when we wake up and the last as we fall asleep, praise and worship keeps that truth fresh in my mind.

Well I pray that you all have a good day and that you find yourselves both exhausted and refreshed during your quiet times with God as you connect with Him and Him to you. 

My gift for you today is: "Every day is a Good Day to Give thanks unto the Lord"

Upside of Down........

Today I am feeling a little discouraged and emotionally drained. I decided it would be best to not write much 'cause I am also feeling a little angry and I don't want to let that beast out. I will give thanks knowing that no matter how I feel right now there is always an upside to down, This too shall pass. Have a great day :) 

Week Two: THANKFULNESS

This week begins are second virtue- THANKFULNESS. While preparing for the introduction of this virtue I was amazed to find out how many scientific studies have been done on the benefits of having an attitude of gratitude. Studies have shown that being thankful improves our physical and emotional health. Holding on to feelings of thankfulness boosts our immune system and increases blood supply to our heart. Making a habit of keeping a weekly gratitude journal can increase our alertness, enthusiasm, and energy, and improve our sleep. People who describe themselves as feeling grateful tend to suffer less stress and depression than the rest of the population. Pretty amazing stuff.


 Most people would agree that we have a lot to be thankful for. After all, many of us live a lifestyle full of conveniences. We live in comfortable homes, wear nice clothes, and have reliable transportation. We have no shortage of clean water or healthy food. We have access to quality healthcare and education, and basically live a good life with a lot of freedom, safety and security.
While it’s easy to take these wonderful blessings for granted—and sometimes get into the bad habit of focusing on what we don’t have—millions of people around the world live without the basic necessities of life

For all its benefits, gratitude doesn’t come naturally to us. As Jesus passed through a village one day, he was spotted by ten lepers who desperately longed to be healed (Luke 17:11-19). They kept themselves at a distance as required by law but cried out to him, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!” Instead of instantly healing the men, Jesus told them to go and show themselves to the priest. As the ten lepers walked off to obey, their skin disease disappeared. One of the men turned around, shouting praises to God as he came back to Jesus. He threw himself at his benefactor’s feet. Jesus expressed amazement that only one man had thought to thank him. “Were not all ten cleansed?” he asked. “Where are the other nine?” He also pointed out that the only man who did respond was a Samaritan, a race despised by the Jewish people.

For Christians, cultivating a spirit of thankfulness is more than a good idea; it’s a direct command from God. In the Old Testament, God laid down specific guidelines for the Israelites to bring thank offerings. In the New Testament, believers are instructed to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). When we’re struggling with trials and difficulties, this sounds like a strange command, especially since we live in a culture that encourages us to act on the basis of how we feel. But God knows that when we focus on our blessings, it’s easier to keep our problems and concerns in the right perspective.

King David never lost his keen awareness of all that God had done for the nation of Israel and for him personally. Even though he experienced disappointment, pain, and heartache, David often poured out his feelings of thankfulness to his Creator and Lord. That gratitude became the foundation of his worship of God.

Cultivating a spirit of thankfulness honors God and strengthens our faith. It also strengthens our relationships with other people. We can’t be in a right relationship with God or with anyone without a spirit of thankfulness. No matter what problems we’re struggling with, we don’t want to be like the nine former lepers who forgot to say “thank you” to their Healer.

I will give thanks to you with all my heart, O Lord my God. I will honor you forever because your mercy toward me is great. Psalms 86:12-13 (God’s Word translation)

Ask yourself: How often do I express gratitude to God or to other people? I want to encourage you, as my family and I practice the virtue  of thankfulness this week, to join us and start a gratitude journal or just set  time aside each day to verbalize all that you have to be thankful for. God knows what you are thankful for without your verbalizing it , but He also knows how beneficial it can be to you when you actively acknowledge all the blessings in your life.

PS.
I know some are you are wondering if I went through with my strike......... I did not.
I realized that striking was not the answer instead I decided to allocate responsibilities and I believe that might prove
 to be a better choice so we shall see..........