Parenting.......

Parenting is such a huge job, it is by far the most challenging job that I have ever had. I specifically call this a job because it is our job to raise them, love them, guide them, teach them, protect them, clothe them, etc., etc., etc..

As Christian parents, I believe the scope of parenting becomes an even greater challenge because when someone has caused pain to one of our children we have a tendency to throw up a wall around them,  with the greatest intentions of blocking any possibility of more pain, armor up an go to battle for them.  I know because I have done this many times, especially when my children were younger.

One of the things I have tried to instill in my children along the way is to always give grace, show mercy and be forgiving, because this is what we are called to do as Christians. That is not my 'knee jerk' reaction however when one of my kids come to me in pain. Like many of you I just want to hold them, ease the pain and do whatever I can to stop them from hurting at any cost. Sometimes the cost is to not give grace, show mercy or encourage a spirit of forgiveness, all of which brings about the healing that we, as parents, cannot give to our children.


There is no greater teacher, in this life, than pain, and no greater remedy for pain than grace, mercy and forgiveness. Sometimes, as parents, we have to let our children work through the pain, and encourage that they learn how to put up their own 'temporary' walls and take some time to process their pain, and most importantly to seek the Lord for healing and guidance and the strength to be in a place to give grace, show mercy and forgiveness because we ALL need to be given grace, shown mercy, and be forgiven.

I love my children, I have never experienced a greater love in this life than the love I have fore them. It is that love that encourages my heart to show them more than just my love, but to show them the love of our Heavenly Father, and the best way I can do that is to love them they way that He loves me, with hopes that they too will learn to love others the way He love us all. He gives grace when I don't deserve it, mercy when I do deserve punishment and then wraps me  up in His arms of love and forgiveness. I will never love them the way that God can and does, but I will never give up trying and hope someday they too will be able to love others as God does them.

Have a great week my friends.

CHURCH........

After many months of struggling with this, I have come to realize what is important is not what I want personally but what is needed spiritually. As much as I would prefer that my children and I attend the same church, what I want most for them is to know Jesus, to develop a personal relationship with Him, and that requires me to let go of my personal desire of attending church together, and just trust that God will work in each of our lives, even if our church family is not at the same place.

I feel at home at Greenhouse. I love the praise and worship and I love a pastor who preaches BIBLE, things that are applicable to my spiritual life first that inevitable positively affects my human life. I want to be somewhere that stretches me spiritually, not just
personally. My spirit feels at home there.

My daughter feels most at home at Anthem. I can see the draw, especially for young people. It provides an atmosphere for both the churched and unchurched, and although I see the need for this type of church, it just isn't where I feel at home. Andy Stanley is a wonderful speaker and his messages reach anybody, and can be relevant for the church and unchurched. I have never heard a message that when applied can be beneficial.

My son feels more at home at Canvas Church. I have quite a few family members that attend there and maybe for Nick that is the draw. Pastor Mark is an incredible and knowledgeable Pastor, his sermons are similar in style to Andy Stanley. Canvas Church is involved in the community and there are a lot of people Nick knows there.

Bottom line is that regardless of the denomination or location of a church we are all members of THE Church of GOD. The church is you and I not the building that we come to corporately. My hearts desire is for Allie and Nick to grow in their personal relationships with Jesus, that they OWN their faith, not mine, the foundation of my faith is shared so that they can establish their own foundation of faith. So if choosing to go to a church that is different from my own personal preference is what it takes to LET GO and LET GOD, then I will step out of the way and trust that God will grow them wherever they chose to go, as long as they go.

My parents forced us to go to church and many of us stopped going to church as soon as we were our from under the control of our parents. Why? It was not because we did not believe in Jesus, or did not want to be a Christian, but possibly because we lived for so long on the foundations of our parents faith that we never realized that each of us need a personal foundation from which Jesus can grow us personally. I want that for them. I want them to be more prepared spiritually than I was when I left the safety of the home net. Their relationship with Christ is far more important than 'family' church time together. God will grow us where we are planted, I just want them to want to be planted.

Let this cup pass from me.......

 

I trust that you all had a wonderful Easter. I did! I thoroughly enjoyed singing in the Greenhouse Easter Sunday choir, it was incredible to get to serve beside so many during this special time and I look forward to any and all opportunities to do this again.

This morning, during my devotions, I experienced a revelation that I don't recall having ever realized  during the time that I have been a Christian that was just a WOW moment.  I am reading a series by T.D. Jakes called The Six Pillars. This series covers Ephesians. Currently I am on the 3rd part of this series, in perfect timing with the resurrection. I am not sure what I believed about Jesus' words to the Father when He asked him to "let this cup pass from me". Part of me thought it was about all the pain and suffering that He would soon endure from the cross to the grave. It never occurred to me that what concerned Jesus  most was not the physical pain that He would endure, but the pain of  separation that would take place as Jesus took on the sins of humanity, the sin that would cause His Father to look away. I don't know about you, but as a parent, that just broke my heart!

I want that. I want to have THAT kind of relationship with my Father. The kind of relationship that would cause me so much agony to NOT have. For Jesus, that would only be for a few days, but even that was too much for Him to bare, and yet He did, for you and for me. That is so significant. I am crying right this moment just sharing this with you. That is a lot of love.


Jesus didn't just die for us, to be our blood sacrifice, He rose to be our constant connection to His Father, our Father. Jesus wants us to have a close relationship with the Father, it mattered so much to Him and wants it to matter that much to us.

As with any developing relationship there is a period of "getting to know" one another, and the only way we can know the Father, is in the Word. I use to think "why do I need to read the whole bible" but as I have been reading the chronological, and yes it seems a bit wordy at times, I am learning more and more about God and how, despite human failures, has never given up on His chosen people and how grateful I am that He extended the chosen to include you and I. These are not just mere stories of the history of the Jewish people, but a better understanding of who God is and all that He had to do, and continues to do, to  bring us back into a relationship with Him. So I will keep reading that chronological bible because I want to know Him and understand His ways.

Have a great week my friends and make sure you spend some time with your Father!

-Tammy

"The Beauty of Thorns Project"............

 Stepping out on faith should never be a tricky thing. The human condition seems to always give us reasons why we should not. Doubt can be spiritually crippling.

During my devotions this morning, as I was reading about Paul's thorns, and as I read, I felt impressed in my spirit to write about someone, who's thorns, like Paul's, have never been removed. Many wonder why Paul's "thorn in his side" was never revealed, but I have come to believe that was a spiritually a strategic move by God. Truth is, we all have thorns in our lives. It can be an addiction, affliction, personal pain, hidden secrets. The list goes on.  Paul's thorn, was never the point. The point is that regardless of the thorns, if we place our faith and trust in God that His grace it enough.

When God calls us and we chose to follow Him, He is enough to live out the call He places on our lives. All the faith we need has already been allocated to us and deposited in us. The bible tells us that God has dealt to every man a measure of faith. When Jesus spoke those final words of "it is finished" He was not just talking about the price that was paid for our sins. God has placed in each of us everything that we will ever need, and the only way to access it is through Him. By placing our trust in Him, seeking Him through His word and through time with Him we allow the Holy Spirit to gradual reveal the things we are ready to receive. Like a baby that goes from just his momma's milk to real food, that is how our walk with God is. It is a process and from a spiritual stand point, God only gives and reveals those things when we are mature enough to understand and receive them.

I love that if we look with our spiritual eyes that we can see God in everything.

By the grace and direction of the Holy Spirit, I am going to step out in faith, and write a book, because that is what I feel God is calling me to do. You all have been reading my blog for sometime now, and I don't know if I am a good writer or not, but I know that God is enough and will provide all that I need to carry our this calling. When God gives you a title, a story and reveals just how it will happen, what else can I do but step out in faith?

Because you are my friends, I will share with you, what I believe God is sharing with me. Many of you know or have heard me talk about my nephews, Mike and Derrick, and my sister Joanie. I cannot tell you how much God has used them during their lives. They have not just touch my life, in ways too many to mention, I know that God has used them to touch many lives. As I step out in faith, knowing that God is the author and finisher of my faith, I started a "You Caring" account called "The Beauty of Thorns Project" (link below).  I have no idea yet how much time will be involved in this, or how much travel or money this will take, but I do know that I have to follow the direction I believe that God is calling me in to write this story and believe that He is already working on my behalf as to how this will get published. It is not my desire to become some famous writer, it is only my desire to be obedient. I don't even believe this is for me, but rather a legacy of faith in the face of all the un-removed thorns in the lives of those who believe that God's grace is enough.


If you feel, through prayer, that you would like to partner with me as I step out in faith, and want to share "The Beauty of Thorns Project" please share the 'you caring' link below. Please keep me in your prayers that I will be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as He guides me in writing this book. I won't lie, stepping out in faith like this is unsettling to the human in me, the doubts , the fears, the uncertainty of it all, the probable criticism from others, so many reasons to run and hide and forget this crazy idea but isn't that what faith is? "God is enough" will be my anthem, as He guides me through my "I believe, but help my un-belief" moments.


https://www.youcaring.com/zirlottwinsettfamily-787855

Hanging up my cape..........

I want to thank all of my friends who have reached out to me this week after my last post,  some of you did not waste anytime swooping in to provide strength and encouragement, I am truly blessed to have friends like you!

I would like to say I am back on top, but I suspect this will be a journey, not a quick trip. The weight of living can get overwhelming, and sometimes we don't realize how much it is weighing us down until the load is so heavy that we can't get out from under it alone and need help. Truth is I have trouble recognizing, not just that I need help, but that it is okay to ask for help.

I am currently reading "Uninvited" by Lysa Terkeurst, last night I read something  that really hit me. Like many of you I  enjoy doing bible studies and trying to deepen my relationship with God. Lysa pointed out that with all we do to find God, sometimes we fail to just be with Him. Here is how she explained it :

 "Imagine a little girl running with a cup in her hand sloshing out all it contains. She thinks what will refill her is just ahead. Just a little farther. She presses on with sheer determination and clenched teeth and an empty cup clutched tight. She keeps running toward an agenda He never set and one that will never satisfy. She sees Him and holds her cup. But she catches only a few drops as she runs by Him, because she didn't stop long enough to be filled up. Empty can't be tempered with mere drops. The tragic truth is what will fill her-what will fill us- isn't the accomplishment or the next relationship ahead. That shiny thing is actually a vacuum that sucks us in and sucks us dry....but never had the ability to refill. I should know because that is where I was. There's no kind of empty quite like this empty: where your hands are full but inside you're nothing but and exhausted shell."

Simply put, this is where I am, and perhaps many of you too. I spend so much time in service to God, that I don't spend enough time just being with God. Lysa went on to say;

"Since my fast-paced chase had gotten me into this mess, I knew it would take slow moments to get me out of it. I needed to reconnect with the One who knows how to breathe life and love back into depleted and dead places. Jesus doesn't participate in the rat race. He's into the slower rhythms of life, like abiding, delighting, and dwelling - all work that require us to trust Him with our place and pace."

We, as women and mothers, stay so busy with this or that, that we seldom slow down long enough to truly be filled and refreshed. We are constantly running on fumes. Who set this pace for us? It wasn't God, our Creator. When did we get off script and how can we get back on HIS script for our lives?

SLOW DOWN! STOP! ABIDE! DELIGHT! DWELL! I am not talking about down time. I am talking about knee time. Our cups will never get filled in down time, we may fill refreshed, but is a temporary feeling what we need? I need more.

I have decided that I am hanging up my cape, I don't want to feel like I need to be the superhero in my life and those around me, I just want to be the sidekick to the only real superhero there should be - God. If we would JUST do our parts as women, mothers, wives, etc., etc., eventually those around us would have step up and do theirs. This is what I will trust God for in my life, that I will do my part and He will find a way to get others to do theirs or re-wire me not to take the weight of it all upon myself. I am good with whatever He decides.

Have a good week everyone.

This is NOT me...............

Do you ever feel like you are on the verge of just losing it? Truth is, I am struggling. I don't know if it's hormones, or that things have finally piled up high enough that I feel like I am drowning. Maybe both.

 I don't know how I got here, or when it began to spiral to an emotional low, I just know I am here. It's takes all I have lately just to do what HAS to be done, trying not to get overwhelmed with everything that should get done and trying not to get upset with the fact that I should NOT have to do it all.   I work from home so getting dressed is optional. I live with 3 people, yet I spend most of my time alone, and lately, when they are around, I still feel alone. I don't like to get dressed to go out of the house unless I have to, I just feel like I don't have enough energy for myself, much less anyone else.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I spend more time reading my bible then I ever have. I have been faithful with my daily reading in the One year Bible. I even started a new Bible study. So how can the rest of me feel so BLAH?

I have had enough experience with depression and anxiety to recognize it others, but I can't be depressed, my family depends on my 'sunshine' to keep their own depression and anxiety at bay. I am the knot in their ropes, their "the glass if half full". I can't be here, I don't want to be here.

I need your prayers. I need you to be the knot in my rope. I know that I have God, and that He is forever faithful, and that I am not alone, but I am not myself and I need to be, and I need to figure out how to get back to me.

Can you, will you, pray for me?

Givers and Takers........

Maya Angelo once said, "People will forget what you say, and people will forget what you do, but they will never forget how you made them feel".
Even if you are not a "feeler" type, this is true. I for one am. There is nothing that hurts me more deeply than not feeling valued and appreciated. I fear, for me, it'seems a catch 22, because I am also a giver, who seems to find myself surrounded by takers that, quite frankly, could care less how what they say or do might make you feel. To top it all off, I am also a Christian, striving to be like the ultimate giver, who is devalued and unappreciated everyday by millions, how does He do it and how can I not allow the takers of this world to harden the giver in me?
Studies have shown that there are far more takers in the world than givers. I suspect that will only get worse. Takers consider givers  doormats, or too nice, and to some extent they may very well be right. Boundaries are necessary for the giver, not to keep them from giving, but to keep others from taking and taking and taking till the giver feels they either have nothing left to give or just emotionally bankrupt from all the takers.

I struggle with boundaries. I like being helpful, giving of my time and talents and anything else that I can do to make someone's load a little lighter, or day a little brighter, I just can't help myself.  I don't want to change that about myself, I guess I would rather weather through the storms of feeling unappreciated and not valued, then take the chance of becoming the very thing that brings me this pain. Don't get me wrong, I have people in my life that do make me feel valued and appreciated, and I am truly grateful to have them, without them I probably would end up on the dark side.

I know that my worth is found not in this world but in the Maker of this world, Who understands why it hurts when you give and give of yourself and get little returned. So when the takers of this world get me down, I just stay there until God gives me the strength and courage to keep on giving just as He does.

If any of you find yourself feeling as I do, take heart, you are not alone but recognize when you need to step back and let God give to you His strength, love and courage  so that you can keep being the giver He made you to be.