Occupied.......

I am struggling to sleep tonight. Could be the coffee I drank around 5pm but more likely that my thoughts are occupied on my sister Angie.
There is nothing more troubling than the unknown and yet sometimes the unknown seems far better than the feared possibilities of the could be. What a terrifying place to be of wanting a resolution but feeling it is better not to know.
How my heart goes out to so many who are crippled with fear thinking that not knowing somehow makes it not real. However, in many cases, the earlier you know the better your chances can be for a more positive outcome.
I lay awake with prayers of healing, prayers that the medical team will, once and for all, discover what is causing the issues my sister has been dealing with for so long now, issues that have restricted her normal day to day living. "Thy will be done" is uttered reluctantly knowing His will does not always mirrow our own will in any given situation,  regardless of His ability to miraculously step in and be the great Physician and Healer.
I know that in times like these even the greatest amount of faith can be shaken as we question why God chooses to heal this person but not another. However it is in times like these that our faith must be greater and we must trust , despite our current state of emotions, that His plan, good or bad, is and always will be the best plan because only He knows what our tomorrows hold.
I pray, whatever His will is in my sisters situation that He will cover her with peace and cradle her closely in His arms, that His presence will be so over- whelmingly felt in that hospital that nothing can shake her faith or trust in Him and even more so make it greater.  I pray that this experience wells up such desire in her to draw much closer to Him that the effects of His love spreads like a virus through her to everyone who comes in contact with her.
God is good even when life doesn't work out the way we want it to, but it's not our lives to plan but ours to live out His plan.
Thank you all for your prayers.

An Imperfect Christian.......

What a corny title, isn’t it? And yet it is one of the truest phrases I can use to describe myself – an imperfect Christian.

On the one hand, Christians ought to seek perfection. Jesus said; “Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect.” On the other hand, with my upbringing I have learned that we are all sinners, Proverbs says; “the just man sins seven times a day,” and the need for forgiveness and reconciliation, were and is always emphasized. I suppose I was lucky in that respect; my upbringing kept me from thinking that I am “holy enough.” The word “holy” is said with either a lot of apprehension or a lot of contempt in everyday conversation. It’s a word many Christians would rather keep in-group, almost as much as that other word. You know the one – sin.

What is sin? I could make a list but ultimately sin is anything that separates us from God. When we know to do right, tell the truth, follow the Ten Commandments, put God first and choose to do the opposite, lie, cheat, break and make anything other than God a priority in our lives, we sin.  Sin comes in many shapes and sizes; it’s active, it’s passive, it’s overt, it’s covert, and ever present at the intersection of all the choices we make.

Believers and non-believers alike think that if someone is a Christian then they are not drawn to sin, or that they cannot sin. Becoming a Christian does not make us any less vulnerable to sin, matter of fact, it makes us more vulnerable. Being a Christian is as difficult as trying to be someone you are not. I was born a sinner, not a Christian, which one comes more naturally?

When an alcoholic decides that they are not going to drink anymore, it does not change the fact that they are an alcoholic, it only means that they have chosen to take the necessary steps to turn away from that life style. The desire to drink remains no matter how much time passes.  The same is true of the sinner who decides to turn away from the sinful nature. In either case there will be set backs, you will fall from time to time, but in the journey changes will take hold and then one day you look back and realize that the victory is not in the win but in never giving up the fight.  

If you are not a Christian, I want to apologize to you if either I or another fellow Christian has given you the impression that we think we are better in some way, rather with our words or actions, because we are NOT! Just like you we struggle daily, and sometimes we fail miserably and do anything but reflect the love of God. Forgive us for being a poor representative of what being a Christian should be – like Christ.

All I Ever have to be……

Many times we get so caught up in the roles of this life that we lose sight of our starting role. The lyrics below remind me that God expects nothing more of me but to be who He created me to be.  

All I Ever have to Be (Amy Grant)

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting, wondering if I'll ever be the one
I think I am - I think I am

Then you gently re-remind me
That You've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst
And I realize the good in me is only there because of who You are
Who You are...

And all I ever have to be is what You've made me
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
As you daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be is what You've made me

I find myself in a place sometimes, that I am failing in areas of my life. Rather it is my role as a wife or mother sometimes I just don’t feel that I am measuring up. Many times we put so much effort it trying to be the best at this or that, that somewhere along the way we lose sight of who we really are.

Above all roles that are played in my life, first and foremost I am not just a woman, but I am beautifully and wonderfully made and loved by a Father that knows me inside and out, the good and bad, the strengths and the weaknesses,  the beautiful and the ugly and loves me still.

God created me for a purpose, and although that purpose may include wife and mother, He first just made me to be me. In many failed attempts of being a good wife and good mom, there have been many times I have tried to do so outside the fabric of who I am and though there have been some successes the ones that really mattered and made a lasting impression are in the moments that I stayed true to me.

Truth be told I am one of those people who truly enjoys being me, despite my many weaknesses and failures, because at my core the best parts of being me have been masterfully molded by a loving Father that knows exactly where to apply the necessary pressure to shape me just so to fit rightly in His plan for my life.

In my heart I know that God has given me the necessary tools to live out His plan for my life, but in my mind, doubts and pride can seep in and whisper words or discouragement, or events and situations can make me feel like somewhere along the way I have failed, forgetting that I can only do that which is in MY power to do and trust that God will fill in the gaps along the way. I cannot be a male role model in the lives of my children, especially my son’s.  I cannot give what is not mine to give. I cannot make up for lost times, or missed opportunities that have nothing to do with me. I can only be what God has made me to be and if that is enough for Him, it’s enough. Perhaps those places, that I feel lacking in, is nothing more than a perfectly designed opportunity to allow God to just be God.

Psalm 25:4-5  (NIV)

⁴ Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
⁵ Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

Recent events.......

My heart and mind have been heavy over the events that took place last week along with the on-going uproar surrounding it. As a woman, daughter, sister, wife and mother my feelings sway back and forth between heart break and anger. As a christian..... the same. I have no desire to attempt to plead a case for either side, knowing that I do not truly, nor will I ever know fully all the information regarding these events. I only know how broken I feel.

Those of us who have made the decision to follow Christ are compelled to view all things through the filters of love, grace and mercy and in difficult times like these it is not only the safest place for us to take a stand but the best way for us to allow God to step in. Ultimately our "opinions" are irrelevant and can only create more division in a country that needs more than anything, healing. 

As I try to imagine how Jesus could feel about current events, I just keep hearing the line from Hillsong United, that says "break my heart for what breaks Yours" followed up with the verse that Pastor Mike shared this weekend regarding current events. 2 Chronicles 7:14 -  "If my people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their sinful ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land". 

I have often times considered that all the crazy things  going on in this world are just a sign of the times, things that are inevitable, but as I sat in service on Sunday it occurred to me that although we don't have the power to make the necessary changes, we do have the power to life up our voices together to the One who does. 

Differences can and do create conflict and religion is no exception. I believe it has hurt the true mission of the gospel. It's not about the rules, or the religious doctrines created by the many different churches around the world. It does not matter if you are Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Mormon, or whatever denomination you identify with, if you are a Christian then we all have the same desire - to be like Christ.  Does anything else really matter?

I would like to encourage everyone to pray for healing in our land. Pray for a supernatural outpouring of love, grace and mercy so widespread that it can ONLY be accredited to God.

Dark Places

Do you ever have little places of discouragement that entangle around your heart? You know in the bigger picture of life things are good, but sometimes there are these little dark places that sometimes doesn’t feel so little? There are these dark cloud hovering over you just enough to block the sun and cast a shadow, a black hole of sorts.

Maybe it’s an argument you and your husband have had one too many times. Your relationship is good but this one topic keeps rearing its ugly head.

 Or maybe there is an issue with one of your children, both or all, depending on how many you have. You have these amazing kids but they have certain behaviors that just blow your mind because you KNOW you taught them better, and you find yourself embarrassed and maybe even  having some doubts regarding  your parenting abilities. 

Or perhaps there is a reoccurring frustration with a friend. She’s amazing, but there’s this one part of your friendship that darkens the collective good, and you can’t figure out how to address it but it’s happening with more frequency and you feel powerless for fear of fracturing that dear friendship it any way.

I know. It’s hard.

God wants to remind us today … a black hole isn’t a black WHOLE.

The whole isn’t all bad. Yes, there are some issues to address and some tensions to manage but we can’t let anything, rather it’s ourselves, or the devil, use this frustration to darken our outlook.

Jesus reminds us, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

 

I want to encourage you to have a little sit down with Jesus and ask Him to shed His light on your situation today. Look at this from Jesus’ perspective, use truth to do something positive in that area today. Take some time to make a little imperfect progress right there in that dark place and let Him shed a little light on the matter.

Have a great weekend!

Kindness and other stuff.....

Yesterday I was the recipient of a pay it forward blessing, the car ahead of me paid for my coffee! I know what it feels like to do this for someone else but this was the first time I was on the receiving end and it felt almost as good as when I had done it for others. I remember thinking that it was not about the money but rather the feeling one gets when a stranger chooses you to display a random act of kindness to. I don't know why but it seemed like that cup of coffee was somehow so much better because it had a twist of kindness in it.

As the day went on, in trying to get prepared for the in-laws visit, I am almost certain that random act of kindness carried me through my day. I felt content all day, and it was a good thing because my mother-in-law was in her normal critical unpleasant state. I think I have told you all before, I do not do well with complaining critical
people, but yesterday patience and gentleness were my friends and her's too, she just didn't know it!

I know I am not in the minority in saying that I don't care much for my in-laws, my mother-in-law specifically, but we only have to see them a few times a year so I have learned to quietly tell myself, "it will all be over soon". I hate to be that way but after 16 years of extending the olive branch my arm is quite heavy, and perhaps I have built up more tolerance having lived with my husband for this long as they are very much alike. This is why God created me with a  double helping of a joyful disposition, He KNEW I would need it!

I get along with most people, and I think most people find me to be a fairly pleasant, but my in-laws are a different breed of people. Now if I was a highly successful business woman or held some prestigious title that would change everything. I am so thankful that my worth is not found in them, or anyone else for that matter. I am the daughter of the King of Kings, being daily molded to be more and more like my Father who is currently making preparations for me in His kingdom. If we could all see one another through the loving eyes of our Father imagine what this world would be like.

It's difficult to remember, as we engage with different people in our daily lives, to treat them as Christ would. Heck I have a hard time doing that with some of my family members. Our human nature can be so over powering sometimes, especially when our emotions get high, then it is like a dam just broke and all kinds of ugliness comes rushing out and that is never a good thing. Rather what you say or said is true anything without the filter of grace and mercy is selfish and destructive. It reminds me of that sign you see in schools that says Before you Speak - Think, but most people stop at the first one : It is true? and forget the rest - Is it Helpful, Is it Inspiring, Is it Necessary, Is it Kind?  If it is not all of the above, I am pretty sure you are suppose to keep it to yourself!

Life is a continuous cycle of daily lessons to learn,  intended to make us better and stronger people, and I am so glad that I don't have to do any of it alone and that kindness is found in some of the least expected places. Have a great day everyone!

Self-Control........

As I sat in service on Sunday morning,  Pastor Beacher shared the last Fruit of the Spirit series- self-control, my mind wondered. I don't remember if it was something that he said or something that perhaps was whispered in my ear and that was this: As the Spirit develops each fruit in our lives, one fruit makes way for the next? In other words, as the Spirit of love is developed in my life, joy comes easier and the more love and joy I have the more peace I have making it much easier to be kind to and have patient with others showing gentleness and goodness and so forth and so forth. Eureka! This IS the transformation. I do not believe it was an accident, the order in which these fruit are listed, but divine inspiration to the writer, in this case Paul.

When I sit back and think about the structure, it makes sense. That is not to say that we can't try to display or practice these attributes ourselves, cause I have no doubt that some of us have tried. Truth is we already have some of these attributes, some of us our just born with an abundance of love, or a gentle spirit, or joyful nature, but these are human attributes not spiritual ones.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses and the people closes to us know what those are, but it is in this truth that people know a transformation has taken place, because as His Spirit grows in us, and we began to display these attributes, it is no longer our nature they know and see.

I have to admit, of all the nine Fruit of the Spirit, self-control is not my strong suit. Sometimes I don't control my thoughts, my words, my anger. or I let my pride get in the way and really mess up! There is and will always be a battle going on in each of us, the angel/devil on my shoulder scenario. Though we tend to laugh and joke about "the devil made me do it" chances are he didn't have anything to do with it, but rather our sinful nature pulling us between our fallen nature and spiritual nature His Spirit is trying to develop in us. Because we are born into sin, that is what we are drawn to, it is our human nature and because of this our biggest enemy is not the devil but our inner selves. Self-control almost seems unnatural in certain cases, just because you speak the truth about something doesn't mean that you ignore all the other things, like being insensitive to the feelings of others (gentleness). Self-control says I can but should I?

Well I am and forever will be a work in progress still singing that childhood song "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be......how loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me".

Have a great week everyone!