Strength and Weaknesses..........

Recently, during an interview, I was asked what my weaknesses were, and not only could I not verbalize what those weaknesses were, I struggled for the next few days searching, within myself, to bring to light what those weakness are. It wasn't that I believe that I don't have them, I just could not think of any at the time.  When you are interviewing for a position you  focus  on what you have to offer, and including the not so awesome things about yourself, just does not seem like a selling point, if you know what I mean. 

As I said, I struggled with this, perhaps it was my pride, or maybe it was something more. I guess we all just want to believe that if our strengths outweigh our weaknesses then they are not worth mentioning or is it that we just don't want to deal with them?

It was not until I talked with a friend about them that I began to see, that just because a weakness can also look like a strength, it is still a weakness. Take for example the following:

- Sometime I take on more than I should

- It is easier for me to do something then try to explain to someone else what is needed

- I can be intolerant of people who are late, unprepared and/or lack commitment

- When my name is attached to a project I have a difficult time delegating it someone else

- If I do not know something, I research it, rather than admitting I don't know

These are just a few examples that come to mind, but when you take a long look at these you begin to see that I have boundary issues, I lack trust in others abilities, I need more patience and understanding, my pride can use some humbling and I struggle

with not being enough. Ouch!

Many of you know me well, some just know the surface of who I am, others are just starting to get to know me. Like many of you, I want to be loved, respected, admired, needed, valued and appreciated and it is difficult to believe that is possible when someone knows your weaknesses as well as they know your strengths, or if they see your weaknesses more than your strengths. 

There is a face we show the world in hopes that they never discover the flaws that we try so hard to cover with all that we believe is good about us. Why do we do this? I could list things like rejection, fear, and pride, but the reality is that grace and mercy rarely play huge roles in our interactions with others. We are a harsh and judgmental people, it's not that we don't wish we could just be real with people, it's that there are very few people that we can be that way with. 

Here is an example. Someone you have encountered, for what ever reason, has decided to be ugly with you. Maybe it is something they heard, or a feeling they get from you, or just that you are different than them,  whatever it is they just don't seem to care for you enough to  give you the time of day. However, all of a sudden they find out from this person or that person that you go to church and all of a sudden they begin being nice to you because now you share a common interest, that has always been there if they had only taken the time to invest in getting to know you.  Why do we have to play these games with one another?

Truth is we already have so many things in common. We are all human, all imperfect, all struggling through life with its ups and downs, all have insecurities, all have secrets, all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all, or at least most act as though we are somehow better than one another to some extent. Why can't we give others what we so desperately want and need from others? 

Many of us are people of faith. We believe in God and we try to take Him at His Word, but we pick and choose which Words will work for us and which ones do not. There is a verse in the bible, that we all know, but somehow leave off the verse that follows "Do not judge others, or you will be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging other is the standard by which you will be judged" (Matthew 7: 1&2) I have been guilty of harsh judgment of others that I would not want to receive from others. Galatians 6:7 says "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap".  

Sometimes we live this life, as Christians, thinking that these words are meant for later down the road, as if they do not apply to the here and now, but they do. With all the do's and don't we can get caught up in the complexity of trying to live a life of faith that we lose sight of the simplicity of God's love, which is the one thing that can make all the other things expected of us so much easier. 

Grace and mercy are the best ways to love each other, because they are the foundation of what it means to be like Christ. If we never understand anything else that God is trying to teach us through His Word, and can learn to live out our lives through the filters of grace and mercy, we would not have to worry so much about all the 'do nots' because what God wants most from us is to give to others what He has given us.

I have strengths, I have weaknesses, and although knowing and understanding what they are can be beneficial to my personal growth, as a christian, neither of these matter if I don't have grace and mercy towards others. Who we really are is how we treat each other, because that is what others will remember about us, not our strengths and weaknesses.

Our super power.......

There is a place in our hearts, specifically designed to be filled by one thing - our creator. If that place is never filled then everything in your fiber will search and long to connect with that vital and missing piece. Its not a longing that is overwhelming,  it is a continuously, almost magnetic feeling, that something is missing. Even if all you dreams came true, without a relationship with God, you would still feel that void. 

Did you know that some version of the word 'pray' is mentioned over 656 times in the King James, but the word 'Pray' is mentioned 508 times just by itself. Prayer doesn't come naturally and some feel uncomfortable praying, alone or with others. The disciples came to realize the importance of prayer as they witnessed how often Jesus prayed, so they asked him, "Teach us to Pray". (Matthew 6:5-15) Prayer is meant to be private,  that makes it relational, because we are more inclined to bare our souls when we are alone with someone we trust. 

Prayer is to our spiritual life what breathing is to our physical life - essential. Prayer is more than just thanking God for this or that, or asking for help with a situation, or praying for healing, or to find a job, prayer is about communication with God, as with any relationship, without communication, relationships suffer and often times fall apart.  The more time we spend talking with God, the easier it becomes to recognize and avoid the pitfalls that come our way.

Prayer has a humbling side effect,  it reminds us that we are not in control, but God is, keeping our pride in check. Not only does God instruct us to pray, He desires to hear from us regularly. We need prayer as Christians. We were designed to function best, emotionally, in a prayerful relationship with God.  C.S. Lewis put it this way: "God designed the human machine to run on Himself. God is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on, there is no other". 

This may not have occurred to you, but, prayer is our super power, yep we are all Super Heros, of sorts. Prayer is the most powerful thing on this planet, which also means that not praying is our kryptonite. Are you having trouble with someone and don't know what to do to fix it? Pray. Is your marriage in trouble and you feel like you have done all that is within your power to make things better? Pray. Do you have personal demons that have a hold on your life that you can't seem to shake? Pray. It would be best to pray before theses issues arise, but we are an arrogant people and think that we can handle this or that, no need to bother God about the little stuff, but to Him its all little stuff, because He is the great and powerful GOD! How long do you pray about this or that? I like the P.U.S.H. method = Pray Until Something Happens! Beware though, the one thing prayer changes more than anything else is us!

I encourage you, that if you are not spending some daily alone time with God, pencil that in, it will become the most important part of your every day life. 

Optimists have bad days too..........

There is a story of a man who had been working on a book for many years. It was his life's work and he was hoping that it would make him his fortune. However, upon finishing the book, he was disappointed and feared that no one would read it, so he put the finished manuscript in the trash. His wife, who knew how hard he had worked on the book, was mortified and tried to reason with him, but the writer insisted that she not remove the manuscript from the trash. Being a dutiful and obedient wife that she was (this was in the 1950's), she took the trash bin, with its contents, to a publisher. The book was eventually published and went on to sell millions of copies. The author? Norman Vincent Peale. The book? The Power of Positive Thinking.

If someone like Norman Vincent Peale can have bad days that cause him to lose hope then I'm sure it will happen to you and me as well.

Having people around you who have faith in your abilities will help a lot. On those inevitable days when you are not feeling confident or capable, you need someone who can encourage you. You need people who can assist you in making sure that your bad days don't become bad weeks or bad months.

You will have bad days. You will have many bad days over the years, we all do. Having bad days is just apart of life, the ends and out of living in this imperfect world. What makes life worth living is not about the good days and it's not about the bad days, its about the people we have in our lives everyday.  The right people can make the best days sweeter and the worst days smoother to slide through.

Surround yourself with people who see your potential and won't let anyone, including ourselves, keep us from them. We all have these kind of people in our lives and we need to be that kind of person to those people in our lives too.

Take it from here........

I heard the song, in the link below, over the summer with my friend Francie, and heard it again this morning after dropping Nick off to school. I must warn you, this song will cause excessive leakage from your eyes. I realize that when you are starting out as a parent, especially during the younger ages, that you think they will never grow up and become independent beings, and then when they do you wonder where all the time has gone. "Slow down" could have been written by any mom, Nicole Nordeman did such a wonderful job of putting our words in such a beautiful arrangement, I hope you listen to it and come to love it as I have.

Some of you have children already gone either out into the big world or college, some of you are facing the senior year in the chapter of your child's life and for some those moments are just around the corner. As our children face these phases of their lives with excitement, eagerness and anticipation, we face them with joy and sadness. We give so much of ourselves to the responsibility of loving, guiding, kissing boo-boos,  and helping them become dependent and responsible adults while still trying to allow them to be kids too. We are filled with happiness as they reach each milestone, but we are also filled with sadness knowing that we will no longer be a part of their each and every day or them ours. The joys and pains of motherhood are all too real, perhaps this is why this is the hardest and yet one of the most important roles as we try to raise little people, still growing ourselves.

These transitions can be difficult, for mothers and children, learning to face the day without one another, growth is demanded from each of us. These are the moments that we, as moms, have to take the hand of our children and place both our hand and their hand in the hand of our loving Father. If you are like me there is no one, not even their father, that I trust can keep my children safer than I do and as much as we say or  believe that I trust God with them, the moment has come when that is all I can do.

I can't give you peace or strength as you face these moments in your life, but I can pray for peace and strength from our loving Father to carry you through these moments. I have always believed that motherhood is one of the greatest callings on our lives, and we have never been alone in this calling and we won't be alone as the role of this calling changes. We will continue to speak into our children's lives  as adults, but the greatest thing we can do for our children is give them to a loving Savior who will be apart of their each and every day as we daily whisper their names into the ear of our Father, who will always be there , to provide them with comfort when miles are between us, peace when the world becomes too busy and noisy, and strength when life feels to heavy to bare. Pray for your children it is the best way to stay connected to them and to the One who will take it from here.

Slow Down"

Honest with ourselves.....

"In the quiet of an early morning, honesty finds me. It calls to me through a crack in my soul and invites me to come out, come out, wherever you are" - (Chapter 1 opening line of Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst).

Do you ever spend so much time working on  the person you long to be that you unintentionally fail to  acknowledge the person you currently are?

Why do we have such a difficult time being genuinely honest with ourselves? It seems we have an almost irresistible need to  find something about ourselves that makes us feel valuable and worthy and focus most of our energy on those things rather than face the ugliness or failures that also are apart of who we are.

It is hard to find people who are willing to be brutally honest with themselves. Most people cannot even see the issue here. Truth is that the person to whom we lie the most is ourselves. Our own hearts lie to us and we justify ourselves automatically (Jeremiah 17:9a) (Proverbs 16:2). We are highly skilled at telling lies to ourselves and believing them, when even the most naive person, standing nearby, would recognize it as a lie. We operate a hypocritical double standard. We judge ourselves, and our own motives and actions extremely generously, without any inner debate or questioning of ourselves. Therefore we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, and are quick to justify our actions and excuse our failures. We frequently block out, and therefore do not hear, any thought which contradicts, or even questions, our own actions or attitudes.

It is rare for a person who has been in conflict or argument to stop and say to themselves "let's examine my own actions and attitudes here. Am I out of order? How do my actions and words appear to others?" These are questions we ought to ask ourselves daily, but some rarely do. Asking ourselves theses questions help us to see ourselves as others might and can bring about enormous personal growth and benefit all the relationships in our lives.

I know it's easier to see things in other's than in ourselves. Having knowledge of something and actually applying and implementing that knowledge are not the same. Knowledge is only power when it can benefit us in someway, otherwise its just a bunch of useless information.

Learning and being honest in the truth about ourselves can be a long and uncomfortable process of discovery. Coming to terms with what sort of person you really are, "warts and all" is vital to our christian walk, and that is what God is after, this rare quality of being honest with ourselves, no matter where it takes us or what it costs, frees us to fully surrender all of who we are, so that He can make us all He wants us to be.

Such raw honestly can be transforming and yes even a little painful, but as I have said many times, growth is painful, but necessary. I have looked in the mirror, far beyond the me I think myself to be or the me I show to the world and there are broken pieces, misconceptions, and flaws, but if God can take me and love me how He found me, I know that I can trust Him to put me back together, clear and make straight the misconceptions, correct my flaws, prune, nurture and grow me.

Forever a work in progress...................

Hump day........

Yesterday I felt miserable. I woke up with a  horrible sinus headache, with post nasal drip constantly tickling the back of my throat, and every time I would cough I felt as though my head would explode! I  tried many combinations of remedy with no relief. I even considered just going back to bed. I pushed through and finally about 2 pm I started feeling better. Unfortunately all those meds made me sleepy so I did end up taking a little cat nap before the kids got home from school, hard to believe why anyone would not want an afternoon nap!

On a different note, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I have developed an allergy/sensitivity to peanut M&Ms, not sure if its the chocolate, peanuts or dye, but most likely the dyes. Good news is I have developed an allergy to  peanut M&Ms. How often is the bad the news also the the good news? I believe we would call this a blessing in disguise.

Today is a new day and thankfully no sinus headache. Yesterday afternoon the two books I order arrived leaving me with the decision of which book to read first? Decisions, decisions. This was difficult, they both intrigued, at least enough to order them.
Wild and Free, by Jess Connolly & Hayley Morgan, who are best friends, caught my attention with the  script just above the title that read "a hope filled anthem for the woman who feels she is both too much and never enough". I guess in someway I felt that I identified with it, so I ordered it. However, I have been awaiting and looking forward to the new release by Lysa TerKeurst's, Uninvited, she and I have some similar life experiences, the kind that can make or break a person, or both, so I chose to read this one first. I have learned over the years the importance of scars. Wounds heal, but the scars remain, not remind us of the pain, but as a reminder that we are stronger than what life throws at us, and if we are willing to, God uses that to make us better, taking all the broken pieces and still make something beautiful. Let me know if any of you are reading either.

Well today is my day 'off' which means clean the house, so I had better skedaddle,  cause it is NOT going to clean its self!

It's hump day and I just want to remind you that it's all down hill from here, the upside of down!!!!

More........

Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice -Psalm 55:17 (NLT)

How wonderful to know that God is so readily available to hear the voice of His children, no matter what time of the day, or how busy He might be, He is not just waiting, but longing, to hear from you and me.

As we begin our work weeks, and many of our children began their new school year it is so easy to get caught up in all that we need or want to do during the waking hours of each day. I just want to remind you that we don't need to pencil in time with God, this is a great way to make time for God, but I think He would be just as happy to hear from you throughout the day. It does not matter if its while you are getting dressed, after dropping off  the kids, on the way to work, or even in those few private moments in the ladies room, God just wants to hear from us regularly, just as we would want and need to hear from our own children, family and friends. God is not just our Father, He is a friend that perhaps many or us have come to realize is the kind of friend you never want to find yourself without.

I know I have been a bit slack on my writing lately, truth is when I have a lot weighing on my heart and mind I tend to be quiet, hard to believe I know, but true. I could very easily vent in my writing, but as I said before, this blog is one of the ways that I spend time with God because it helps me to put my focus on the spirit rather than the flesh, besides some of you have heard me vent before and sometimes it ain't pretty!

I am gonna be a little transparent today, and believe me I don't like to do transparent. I prefer in most cases that people see me as I want to be rather than what I am.  On the outside I am strong, happy and able to leap a 7 story building in a single bound...... BUT on the inside, in a small little corner of my world, I am broken, sad and lonely and can't even muster up the courage to let that part of me leave my little corner. Truth is there is a part of us we show the world and a part we don't show anyone. It may be because we are wanting to become something more or ashamed of what we really are. We all struggle and some of us have gotten really good at concealing those struggles and  pushing them far enough down that we forget they even exist, until the next time it surfaces.

The worst feeling in the world to me is being surrounded by a lot of people and feeling completely alone, I have struggled with this most of my life, I could have been the inspiration for that Three Dog Night hit "One:(is the loneliest number).  Sadly, when these types of struggles are not dealt with they can and do influence the choices you make along the way. You can become so familiar with something, even pain, that being without it can be difficult, there is comfort in the familiar. In a twisted way you think you are protecting yourself but instead you've only built walls to keep others out and you in, trapped with what you fear most.

The biggest battles in this life are never fought with our hands, but in our heads. The mind is a powerful and complex thing, you  know it, God knows and the enemy knows it too and has no problem constantly peeling the scabs off from time to time to remind you why you feel lonely, ugly, unwanted, unworthy, and unloved. Sometimes the last thing we give God is the first thing we should. I am not gonna lie to you, I still struggle with this from time to time, but no longer alone. When you find your worth in the eyes and words of a loving Father, He makes all things new.  In my weakness, my flesh, He is made strong, in my spirit (2 Cor 12:9).

Maybe you have your own personal struggles, I want to encourage you to weed out your minds,  because God created us to be more than the sum of past mistakes, past hurts, and struggles. You are MORE and the moment we get that through our thick skulls we can begin to see the beautiful person God intended for us to be all along. 

Battles and victories are fought and won in our minds,  so equip yourselves daily by spending time with god and filling your mind with the words of the One who made us MORE!!!!!!

Have a happy Monday!!!!

47.........

As my Facebook floods my timeline with Happy Birthday greetings, I am humbled knowing that God has put some pretty great people in my life. I have been blessed with a loving family and a multitude of friends who have made my journey much to be grateful for. I truly believe God puts people in our lives for a reason and I hope whatever reason He put me in yours that I live up to His plan for me in your lives. 

As I celebrate my 47th birthday, I can't help but stop and reflect on the past years that have brought me to this moment, all the struggles, the pain, the tears that have shaped me along the way and the victories, strength and laughter that has sustained me through each one. Many of you have been part of those seasons in my life and have played a huge role in helping to shape the person I am today, so as you bid me 'Happy Birthday' let me express my deepest appreciation for your love and friendship along the way and thank God for allowing me to share this journey with such a wonderful group of people.

They say you are only as young as you feel, but I prefer to think that age is but a number and youth springs eternal in our hearts and minds. Yes my body is gradually breaking down and will continue to do so but Proverbs 23:7 says "what a man thinks in his heart, so he is" and in my heart I will always be that kid looking for the next grand adventure and every opportunity to find joy and share joy along the way. 

I don't think there is one key to life, but that life is like a big treasure hunt, with a multitude of keys that we must find along the way to allow us to open the next door in the chapters of our lives. In God's grand design, one thing is constant, life is a process, a series of events that help us to become who we are meant to be. Take a diamond,  even with its many imperfections, it is one of the most desired stones known to man, but like us it doesn't start out as the product so many have come to admire, only through extreme temperatures, pressures and creative design can it become this precious stone. We are that diamond, and even with our many imperfections, God allows just the right amount of pressure to creatively shape us into the people He intends for us to be. When I am faced with trials or pain, I am not happy to be in those places, but I have come to recognize when I feel most broken or incapable of handling a certain situation, it is in those moments that God shapes me. I am a better person because of the storms in my life, not despite them. 

I am 47 today, I don't feel old, or even that half my life is over, I feel excited for the possibilities that lie ahead, and grateful for the people who will share in those adventures yet to come. 

Thank you for your gift of friendship!

The P's of Emotions

Emotions, like most things, have their pros and cons, but when it comes to the negative effects of emotions, most of us find ourselves following them up with a big "I'm sorry", at least those of us who don't let the emotion of pride keep us from doing the right thing. It should not matter if what is being said or done is true or not, our emotional responses, can determine a more positive or negative outcome, there is always more at stake then how you feel at any given moment. 

I don't know about you but I absolutely hate having to apologize for something when I could have, and should have handled it better in the first place. We all  have done it, still do it, or will do it and many of us may not be sure of even how to avoid doing it. Emotions are powerful but we can all better control them, if we follow the P's of emotions. 

The first P is to PROCESS. When someone has said and done something that has stirred up hurt or anger I believe that the best first response should be to allow yourself some time to process the information as well as the blood boiling emotion it has stirred up in you. When it comes to negative emotions no good thing comes out of the heat of the moment. First step in processing is to remain silent because everything you say can and will be used against you in the minds of the recipient! Nothing causes more problems then an uncontrolled tongue! If we are honest, usually the straw that broke the camels back, has nothing to do with what you are truly upset about anyway, it just happens to be the thing that made you realize that you don't have room for just one more unresolved negative emotion. The pot is full! Nothing makes us look more crazy then blowing up over something small because we had not made room for them by taking care of the bigger things that are really eating at us. It would be lovely to avoid those National Inquire front page moments when it sounds and looks as if we are possessed! Count the cost of your actions, you don't want to lose a friend because you feel helpless in some area of your life so you over react in an area that you feel you can control.

PREPARE would probably be the next best step. So much happens in preparing to deal with a negative emotion. Prayer is perhaps the best way to start this step cause sometimes the storm clouds of life, and chaos of emotions, become so thick that we are unable to clearly see where the root of our anger is coming from so we need to ask God to quiet us down and show us. Realizing what the real issue is usually means you have to prepare to either swallow your pride and apologize for misdirecting your emotions or muster up the courage to come face to face with the real issue. It is best to sit down and script it up, I usually do it on a type writer to save on eraser money and mess. You type, read, retype, edit, correct, etc and before you know it you have not only organized your thoughts but your emotions too. Sometimes you might even find that it was nothing more than a million tiny things that just needed some attention internally but exhibited itself externally at the cost of someone else's feelings. Quiet time is essential for emotional and mental health, don't let life keep you to busy, it will find a way to shut you down.

After you have spent time processing and preparing then you can PROCEED. This is where the pride swallowing or courage mustering comes into play. Sometimes at this stage you might find that you have to repeat steps one and two again, but if you have truly processes and prepared, just present what you are ready to present and save any new issues for the next time. There is nothing wrong with asking for time to think something over, ESPECIALLY if you start to feeling some negative boiling up going on inside, Take it off the burner before it boils out of your control. 

Last, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.  Emotions are some of the most unreliable gauges because there are just to many outside forces that can influence them in one way or another, this is true of both positive and negative emotions. The beginning, middle and end of our days ride the roller coaster of emotions and can leaving us feeling happy one moment, mad the next never knowing just which emotion we end up with, but we can know how to better handle which ever one lands heads up. Process, Prepare/pray, Proceed and Practice to keep the Problems to a minimum!

Knowledge is only as powerful as the actions we take from applying it. Don't let your emotions get the best of you!!!!

UPDATE: Angie is out of the hospital however the pathology report came back and she will need to do chemo, as it has spread to one, out of 18, lymph nodes. Angie is ready to get this started and behind her as quickly as possible. 

Derrick's surgery went well and he is in ICU for observation but they Dr's feel that everything went well and will proceed to the next step. 

Thank you all for your prayers.