As Christians we have a responsibility to one another because we are all apart of the body of Christ. Those responsibilities do not change in regards to the children of others. The bible does not change based on this or that situation, matter of fact that is one of the awesome truths about God, He does not change!
Children hold a special place in the heart of God. Psalm 127:3 - "behold, children are a heritage from the Lord..." However "Honor (aka respect) your father and your mother" was not a suggestion and neither is "children obey your parents". If we are to live by the word, we should also encourage children to do the same, including the children in our lives that are not ours.
Loving someone's child is a wonderful thing, it is our calling to love one another. Speaking truths and wisdom into the life of a child is also a wonderful thing. Being in a position agreeing to work together with another parent for the benefit of a child, is a wonderful thing. When working together, there must be a mutual understanding between the parent and non-parent that cannot and should not exceed the boundaries or interfere with the parent/child relationship, with the only exception being if there is some sort of abuse involving the child (physical, sexual, etc.)
We honor God, when we honor His decisions. We honor God when we encourage and direct a child to behave obediently and respectfully towards their parents. We honor God when we do not nurture a divisive spirit between a parent and a child. We honor God when we love the parent in addition to the child and respect the role that a parent was given, by God, over that child.
On a different note. I can see how difficult it might be to practice some tough love, but if a child insists on being disobedient and disrespectful, action has to be taken. Tough love isn't just something that we have to show them but something we share in, because it is tough on a parent to practice tough love when all they want to do is hold that child down and hug and love the negative and bad behaviors right out of them. It is not okay for people to be treated this way and children, no matter what their age, needs to learn this hard truth and we, as parents, have been given the responsibility to "Train up that child". I don't know what tough love will look like for you, and it may be different for everyone, but whatever that tough love looks like it won't be easy for you or for your child, but as we have done throughout that child's life, we have to continue doing and this is having their best interest at heart. They may say they hate you, move out, stop talking to you, withhold love and affection, find ways to hurt you, or just continue to treat you unkindly, but they have to learn that you cannot treat people that way and reap positive results.
Doing what is right or best doesn't change how much you love someone, it confirms that love and eventually, could be years down the road, they realize how great that love for them from you was and is.
If you are having some relationship issues with your son/daughter, they may or may not be because of something you did or didn't do. It is important to take a long look at yourself when issues arise in a relationship between women especailly, including your daughter, and the roles that you may have played that helped get you to where you currently are in that relationship, and take ownership. It is also possible that you have done everything right and to the best of your ability and things still went wrong. Whatever is going on there is nothing that is out of the reach of our loving heavenly Father and I highly encourage having many conversations with Him for you and for your child.
May God bless the relationships in our lives.
Two books worth checking out:
Mothers-Daughters-Mending-Strained-Relationship &
When Parents Hurt
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