JOY in the midst

Many of you know that I am a fairly upbeat person and that very few things can keep me down for very long. When I think of all the things I know about myself I have to say that I am most thankful to have an attitude of joy. In the bible joy is listed as second of the nine Fruit of the Spirit and IF it is listed in order of importance, and I believe it is, that makes it significant. Joy is a major topic in the Bible. In the King James Version, “joy” appears 158 times and “rejoice” 198 times (not counting other variations such as joyful, joyfully, joyous, jubilant, happy and glad ).  A lot of people think that joy and happiness are the same thing, and they are not. Happiness is an emotion that is subjective based on circumstances. Joy is an attitude regardless of circumstances.  Scientists say the emotion of happiness can be studied and measured because people can reliably and honestly self-report their increases and decreases in happiness levels.  Joy is a state of mind, a combination of emotions, and in the spiritual context is localized in our heart. Joy contains elements of contentment, confidence and hope and this is the joy I have come to be so thankful for. I value my faith in Christ not because of what I have learned about Him but because having a relationship with Him has allowed me to experience the Fruit of His Spirit and come to understand that my joy, my strength comes from His Spirit inside me that spreads from my heart to my mind and ultimately to my countenance (face).

I am constantly in awe of how God prepares us for the future as far back as our birth; He knew that I would need joy in order to face tomorrow. My childhood was turbulent at best. Later He also knew that in order for me to understand and deal with what was before me that I would have to personally experience things and so after the birth of my son I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression with some pretty severe anxiety attacks, the fear alone was paralyzing. Thankfully that was a temporary diagnosis but enough of an experience to be able to recognize it and come to understand it. I live with 3 individuals who struggle with depression and anxiety that when managed consistently can be less of a challenge but a challenge none the less.  Sometimes the weight of their struggles bear down on me and try to steal my joy, because of the negatively that is associated with depression and anxiety, and I have to find ways to refuel because they aren’t able to give me the encouragement and support that I can give them. I cannot express enough how “the Joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10b) and how He never fails to place people in my life to give me support and encouragement. I am thankful for the people in my life, some are there to encourage and support me and some are there to stretch me so that I can grow and become stronger and a better version of myself and hopefully a version that reflects the Spirit that lives inside of me, although that is not always evident initially being human and all.

Today as I rejoice in the Spirit of Joy that lives within me I pray that joy will be abundant in your life that no matter what is going on, the trials, pain, any discouragement that the joy of Lord will be your strength and give you peace knowing that He is able and willing to provide whatever you need to find joy in the midst of the seasons of your life.  

Don't Pick that Scab

I remember clearly when I was a child hearing my parents say "if you keep picking at that scab it isn't going to heal" I would always respond with something like "but it itches" and I knew good and well that it would eventually heal even if I kept picking at it. Yes, you got me, I have a bit of a stubborn streak, not to mention I was never one of this kids who thought my parents knew everything, in fact, family debates were quite frequent when I was growing up, always respectfully of course, questioning pretty much everything. Little did I know those same words would echo into my future regarding booboos but not just the physical ones.

Years ago I was going through a very dark period in my marriage and it was not uncommon for me to go to my sisters house to talk things through with her and her husband, mostly just to process through my feelings to get to the real heart of my anger or pain. I will never forget my brother in law telling me that the more you talk and think about something the worse it gets. As the words of my childhood echoed into my present it was clear that he was saying "don't pick the scab or it won't heal". Thilose words finally resonated with me and I began to make an effort to vent less about my pain and anger, not just regarding my husband, but anyone who hurt me or made me angry. Truth is time does heal wounds but just how long it will take is totally up to you.

Learning the art of forgiveness begins at the tip of your tongue (that just came to me like a whisper in my ear), those feelings that just want to pour out to releive some emotional pressure can actually keep those feelings alive while prolonging the opportunity for healing and growth.  We often forget that forgiveness isn't just about righting a wrong, forgiveness about healing and the longer you choose to dwell on that anger and pain the longer it will take for you to move passed it so that it can heal. So the next time you are in this situation "don't pick at that scab" give it some healing time, however if you really need to vent it through try praying for that person, take it to God, cause its really difficult to stay upset with someone you are praying for. I still vent from time to time but I remind myself often that if I don't let it go and leave it alone the longer those horrible feelings of hurt and anger linger and steal my joy, and between you and me......I really like joy!

"To Know Me IS To Love Me"

There are times when someone does something "thoughtful" for you and rather you like it or not you gratefully say thank you and sometimes the thank you is for the gift and thoughtfulness and sometimes its just for the thoughtfulness. I don't know if its just me or not but I like to buy gifts for people that I think, knowing this person, they would like, and rarely based on something I like. It is not uncommon for me to see things and someone pops into my head that I know would like it but if there is any doubt I do not purchase it. I value the art of paying attention to the likes and dislikes of individuals in my life and perhaps partly cause I would want someone to value me enough to do the same.

My husband is notorious for buying me things that I don't want or like and although I appreciate the thoughtfulness I am saddened by the fact that, after 17 years,  either he does not know me or.....well I just dont have an or! At what point is it ok to say your thoughtfulness lacks thought? How can I be truly  appreciative of someones "thoughfulness" when it only pains me to think of how little I am known to him?

I am a thoughtful person who tends to put alot of thought into the things I do for others and  it makes me very happy when someone truly appreciates the gift as much as the thoughtfulness, this is my love language,  to feel appreciated. I don't feel love and appreciated through gifts, I feel loved when someone appreciates me and through acts of service, imagine how much money my husband could save if he just cleaned the house, cooked dinner, cleaned up the yard, washed my car, and so forth not only would I feel appreciated but I would feel loved too. What a bargain! Don't misunderstand, I like gifts, but I would just prefer getting a gift that comes with the knowledge of being known to someone and I think that is true for most people.

So in closing I believe if you really want to give someone something that makes them feel special and loved first find out what it is that makes them feel that way, what is their love language cause it may not be the same as yours and often times it probably isn't. I use to be confused  about "to know me is to love me" but now I understand that to really love someone its vital that you invest in getting to know them so that you can understand what it takes for them to feel loved by you.

-Tammy

52 Weeks of Virtues - Week One

I decided to take my family on a 52 weeks of Virtues journey so yesterday we began. I have to say there were both positive and negative responses, but I pushed through as we talked about the virtue of moderation. I was proud to see my kids jotting down notes as we discussed moderation but sad that my husband sat there with his arms crossed making certain that we all knew he was not happy to be included in this journey but that did not stop me from making sure he was part of the conversation even if a little. Personally I was somewhat intrigued with the 52 virtues as I made a quick reference for my kids, I mean some virtues I knew, having been brought up in church it was no suprise that many of those virtues are also fruit of the spirit. Several weeks ago I posed a question to my son and asked him " what kind of man do you want to be?" I saw how that question impacted my son and I could also see that he had no real idea on how to answer that question. He mentioned a few men in his life, sadly none of which was his dad, but there are a few men that he finds to be good men. As he talked about my brother and brother in law he talked about them as hard workers, good to their family, good jobs and so forth so that is what has lead me to wanting to find a way to share with him the characterics of a good man through learning about virtues. I may not be a man in his life but I can still be a light and pray that through this God will help me and our family grow in virtues together. So this weeks task - practice moderation.